Dinner And A Movie
by Jamie Sommers
Summary: After goodness knows how many years, it's finally done. The last chapter of Dinner and a... has been posted. Thanks for your patience and for your inspirational messages along the way. I'm very grateful.
1. Dinner and a Movie

Dinner And A Movie 

By:  Jamie Sommers

Email:  jamiesommers@hotmail.com

Rated: PG

Date:  August 2002

Disclaimer:  Warner Bros owns them…blah blah blah…

Synopsis:  Read the story and you'll find out what it's about.  Just kidding!  An A/U story about Landon and Jamie.

Dinner And A Movie 

"Jamie!  Hurry up!" He called out.  Under his breath he said, "we're gonna be late."

"No we're not," she said as she walked up behind him wearing only a pair of shorts and a bra.

"Uh baby?  I know it's only Roselli's but…I still think they require you to wear a shirt," he chuckled then quickly added, "unless of course you've changed your mind and we're ordering in?"  

She answered his flirtatious question with a roll of her shoulder, a flip of her hair and a look in her eyes that clearly said, 'you're taking me out Carter.'

"Okaaaay…guess we're going out, but if you don't hurry…"

"Landon, I'm going as fast as I can.  Don't worry," she pecked him on the cheek and ran her hand across his arm, "I'll be ready in no time."

"No time," he mumbled to himself as he watched her sashay up the stairs to finish getting dressed.  "Sure."  He intentionally called out loud enough to make his point, "The movie's not gonna wait you know," but quiet enough for her not to hear it.

He walked into the bathroom adjacent to the kitchen and checked his appearance in an attempt to kill some time.  His hair was looking pretty good tonight.  He was wearing the new shirt that Jamie gave to him as a gift this morning and a pair of freshly pressed khakis.  He was just about to pull out his electric razor and give himself a quick shave as he caught her reflection in the corner of the mirror.  'Wow,' he thought.  'Definitely worth the wait.'

She stood behind him wearing a pair of white and red-checkered Capri pants, a red sleeveless, collared shirt that tied in a knot at the waist and a pair of red and white sandals that looked like they were made for the sole purpose of matching her pants.  Her hair was pulled atop of her head in a ponytail and at her ears she wore the earrings that Landon gave her this morning over breakfast.  "You just about ready?"

"Uh…yeah.  I'm ready if you are."  He stood staring at her and tried once more in a lame attempt to convince her that spending the evening in would be to their best interest.  "You sure you wanna go out?"  He walked up to her and placed his hands on her waist pulling her in for a soft kiss.  "We could always order in," he whispered against her smiling lips.

"I haven't been out of this house in…I can't remember how long Landon Carter, so yes!  We are going out."  

"Okay," he held up his hands in defense. "Okay…I get the message.  You wanna go out, but if we don't leave now we're never gonna make it to the movie on time."

"I've been ready Landon.  I'm just waiting on you," she said as she gave him a flirtatious grin.

"What?"  He sighed and shook his head as he watched her walk out to their car.  

"You coming?" she called out over her shoulder.  "The movie's not gonna wait you know."

"Yeah…yeah…yeah…" he chuckled on his way out the door.

They drove to one of their favorite restaurants, Roselli's Pizza: a small, hole in the wall eatery that specialized in Italian dishes such as Manicotti, Lasagna, Choppino, Antipasto and of course…Pizza.  Not just any pizza but true Italian pizza.  

As the Carter's made their way into the little restaurant to put their name on the waiting list they were greeted by an overly plump woman with her gray hair piled high on top of her head.  "Ahhhh.  Meester and Meeeses Carter," her thick Italian accent butchering almost every word she spoke.  "Joo no beeeen here-ah eena sucha long time."  She squeezed Jamie in a bear hug saying, "Ooooh.  He'sa notta feedin' you.  Nuttin' butta skeen anda bone."  

Jamie smiled and hugged the woman back, "Hello Rosa."

"Anda you," she smacked Landon playfully across the back of his head then pulled him in for a hug that matched the one she gave to Jamie.  "Joo gotta make-ah sure she eats.  None-ah dis ahla have-ah salad.  Capische?  Joo gotta feed her da pasta.  Putta da meat on her bones."

"I'm working on it Rosa," he said as he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Excuse me?" The young hostess directed her question to Landon and Jamie. "Would you like to put your name in for a table?"

"Eh??" Rosa called out making a wide variety of hand gestures to the new girl.  "Dey no needa to wait.  Whazza matta wit joo?"  She led them to a quiet little table located in the back of the restaurant.  "Joo hafta scusi thatta one.  She'sa no too much upadastairs," she tapped her finger against her temple.  "Butta she'sa good for da beezness, ifa joo know whadda mean," she said with a wink.  Turning to walk away she began barking orders at the other employees and threw her hands up in the air, as she greeted another regular couple waiting at the door, with open arms.

"So," Landon asked.  "Whatta ita beee?"

Jamie laughed at his impersonation and said, "hmmm…I suppose I can't have a just a salad or she'll hit you again so…pizza?"

"Sure.  Pizza sounds good."

The server walked up to the table and introduced herself taking their beverage order and reciting the evening's specials.  "Do you know what you'd like or do you need a few minutes?" She asked.

"Actually," Landon said.  "I think we're just going to order a pizza tonight."

"What would you like on that?"

Landon and Jamie both looked at one another, then at the waitress and said in unison, "Hawaiian."

As she walked away Jamie called out to her, "Excuse me.  Could we get an order of fried calamari too with extra lemon?"

"Sure thing."

"Oh," she called to the girl once again.  "A side salad too please, with ranch…no…wait…blue cheese…no…raspberry vinaigrette…ooooh wait.  Can I have all three?"  At the waitresses disgusted look she added a meek, "please?"

As the girl left they held hands over the table and looked around the room.    
  


"This place is busy tonight," Landon commented.

"It seems to get busier every time we're here."

The waitress arrived shortly with the salad, the three different dressings and a look that clearly said, 'that's really gross.' 

"So…" Landon began but stopped short when he saw his wife digging into her salad with such gusto.  "Is that good?"

"Mmmmm…mmmm hmmmm."

He watched her shove bite after bite of the concoction into her mouth and tried not to laugh.  The dressings which were placed on the side by the waitress were now all mixed together on her plate leaving her lettuce leaves covered with a creamy, lumpy, pink topping.  "Jamie?"

"Hmmmm," she said as she grabbed a breadstick out of the basket in the middle of the table using it to soak up the dressings that was pooled on the side of her salad plate.

"Uh…baby…you a little hungry tonight?"

"Mmmmmm," she shrugged and continued eating with relish.

The server brought their appetizer of calamari to their table and a plate of lemons asking,  "Do you want a refill on your drink?"

"No, I'm okay," Landon, replied looking at his half full glass of iced tea.

"Mmmmmm," Jamie nodded and picked up her glass sucking down the remnants of her drink until there was a distinct slurping noise.  "Ahhhh.  That's such good tea."  She looked at the waitress and handed her the empty glass and asked politely, "Would you mind refilling it for me please?"

Landon watched as Jamie took a piece of lemon and held it over their appetizer.  With one hand she poked at the fruit with a fork and with the other hand she squeezed it's juice out onto the batter-fried squid.  He tried in a lame attempt to continue their conversation but she seemed completely engrossed in her current project of saturating her food in lemon juice.  Piece after piece of the tart fruit was squeezed until it was completely dry, then it's rind was discarded on a near by plate.  When the last piece was used and the fish was swimming in a citrus puddle, she grabbed a fork and began to dig in.  'What the hell...' he thought.  'I've never seen her eat so much.'  

She devoured the appetizer and drank another glass of tea while Landon sat and watched.  With three pieces of calamari left on her plate she looked at Landon and said, "Ohhhh.  Did you want some of this?"

"No," he held his hand out if front of him and lifted the corner of his mouth in a grin.  "You go ahead and enjoy it."

"Are you sure?" She asked, already leading one of the three remaining pieces to her lips.

"Positive," he smiled.

They sat until their pizza arrived making conversation about basic everyday things.  Groceries, bills, car insurance and so on.  They made plans for the upcoming week, arranging their events around Jamie's doctor's appointments.

"I thought you didn't have to go as often anymore," Landon asked with concern.  "I mean the bone marrow transplant was a success so why…" he trailed off.  "Jamie?  Have you been feeling all right?"

"Oh yes.  I'm feeling great.  It's just that I've been pretty tired lately and…well there are a few things that I'll be needing a doctor for.  That's all."

"But…I mean…"

"Landon.  I'm fine.  I've been cancer free for quite some time now so quit worrying."  

"Yeah but…"  
  


"Landon.  Really.  I'm fine."    

His face relaxed as she took his hand in hers and brought it up to her lips to place a kiss against his knuckles.  

"I'm more than fine," she smiled, "I'm starving," she said as she released his hand and attacked their pizza.

He grinned as he watched her eat five pieces of pizza to his three and thought once again, 'where on earth are you putting all of this food?'

"Would you like dessert?" the waitress asked as she cleared their empty plates away.

"No I don't think…" Landon began but was quickly interrupted.

"Oh!  Can I have one of those tube things?  Umm…"

"Canoli?" 

"Yeah.  A canoli."

"Sure.  Would you care for anything sir?"

"No thank you.  I'm stuffed."  Landon watched as the waitress walked towards the kitchen and said, "Jamie?  Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure honey," she reached to the center of the table and took the last breadstick out of the basket and began to nibble.

"Where are you putting all of this food?"

She just looked at him and shrugged.  "Just hungry I guess," she laughed softly.

##

"Two for You've Got Mail please?"  Landon was handed the tickets through a little space in the window and took Jamie's hand leading her into the theater.

As the usher took their tickets he said, "It's down the hall and to your right.  Screen number two.  The movie's just about to start so you may want to hurry," he advised.

Landon felt a tug on his hand stopping him from walking down the hallway that led to the theater.  "Baby," he said, "the screen's to the right."

"Yeah but the concession stand is to the left," she said with a bat of her eyelashes and a pull of his hand.

"What on earth could you possibly want to eat after that meal at Rosa's?"

"Well Landon…we're at the movies."

"So?"

"Popcorn.  You can't see a movie without popcorn."

"Oh."  He succumbed to her request when he noticed the pleading look in her eyes.  "Lets get some popcorn then."

"Thank you," she said softly as they made their way up to the counter.

"Hi can I help you?" the young boy asked.

"Uh sure," Landon looked over the different sizes of popcorn and said, "We'll take a small popcorn and a small coke please."

"Okay one small…"

"Uh excuse me?" Jamie interrupted.  "Could you make that a medium popcorn and a medium coke please?"

"Yes ma'am," the attendant replied.  "You know we're running a special right now if you buy a large popcorn and a large soda you get one free refill and a package of Twizzlers…"

They made their way down the aisle of the darkened theater trying to find a seat without spilling their booty onto the floor.  Jamie sat down in the newly furbished theater seat placing her large soda in the cup holder and her large popcorn on the floor next to her feet while she adjusted herself in the chair.

Landon placed the bag of twizzlers on his lap and put his small soda in the cup holder to his right.  "Jamie," he whispered.  "I don't understand why we couldn't just share the soda."  

"Hmmm?"  She completely ignored him and took the box of raisinettes out of his shirt pocket while her eyes became glued to the sight on the movie screen.

'It's useless Landon,' he thought to himself.  She was completely engrossed in the movie.  

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were walking the city streets of New York while Jamie watched on and Landon watched Jamie.  

She bent down and picked up the bucket of popcorn from the ground, delicately nibbling on the kernels, taking turns rotating between a chocolate covered raisin and the buttery treat.  She bent over and sipped her drink while moving her hand over to Landon's lap.  She removed a Twizzler from its packet and began chewing on the sweet, gummy candy.  

Landon's crooked smile went unnoticed as he continued to watch his wife enjoy the entire movie experience.  It was as if she had never been to one before.  Suddenly a thought occurred to him.  He personally, had never taken her to a movie before; sure they had rented videos and watched them since they've been married.  Prior to that they watched them either at Landon's mom's house or Jamie's father's house, but he never took her to a theater to see one.  He leaned over to whisper in her ear, "Jamie?"

"Hmmm?" She turned toward him. Their faces were a breath apart.

"Have you ever been to a movie before?"

Her eyes glazed over--in a look of adoration--as she shook her head indicating no.

He leaned in, placing a light kiss against her lips.  Reaching around her he put his arm leisurely over her shoulders in order to let her experience the theater the way a young woman should--with her date trying to make a move on her--he grinned to himself and dug into the bucket of popcorn.

They watched the romantic comedy and laughed. Jamie knew that this wasn't exactly Landon's type of movie but he allowed her to choose the film this evening and she was quite grateful.  It was, after all, their re-birthday. Well it was more her re-birthday then his, but they both celebrated this day with delight.  It was a year ago today that she got her bone marrow transplant from an anonymous donor and shortly there after was pronounced cancer free.  Landon had a habit of calling it her re-birthday, since it was, to him, the day she came back to life.  

She held his hand and squeezed it in her own as the credits began to roll.  "Thank you for taking me to see this movie Landon.  It was very good."

"Oh no," he shook his head as though every look she gave him, every glance mesmerized him.  "It was my pleasure.  Watching you eat two buckets of popcorn and an entire package of licorice was worth it alone," he laughed.

"Well I can't help it that I was hungry," she said with a mischievous grin.  "Speaking of hungry…" she trailed her fingers up his arm and curled them into the nape of his neck, pulling him to her for a kiss.

"Mmmm," her murmured against her lips.  His heart began to race as he envisioned Jamie in her bra and shorts again.  His breath caught in anticipation for the night that lay ahead.

"Landon," she sighed.

"Yes baby?" He moaned.  His hands working their way up her back.

She pulled away and kissed a path from his mouth, across his jaw, to his ear whispering, "Do you know what I want?"

"What do you want Jamie?" he asked in a breathless reply.  The blood was pounding in his ears with excitement as his heart cracked against his ribs.

She took a deep breath and released it against his earlobe whispering, "Ice cream."  

His eyes flew open in shock, "What?" He pulled back and stared at her.  "What???"

"Ice cream," she said innocently.  "Doesn't that sound good?"

"Ice cream?" came his dumbfounded reply.

"Mmmm hmmm," she nodded.  "Rocky road.  I want rocky road," she said matter of factly and stood up to leave the theater.

"Ice cream," Landon mumbled to himself.  "She wants ice cream…" he trudged up the dimly lit path behind her looking at the sway of her hips in her snug fitting pants thinking, and where are you going to put that ice cream Mrs. Carter.

##

The Dairy Freeze had been a part of Beaufort for more years than Landon could remember.  Landon had vague memories of his mother and father taking him there when he was just a boy.  

The jangling of the bell hanging from the doorframe brought him back to a happier time.  A time in his life girls were icky and Jamie Sullivan was just the preacher's daughter.  When all the other kids were idolizing Superman and Batman, Landon thought no one was better than his father.

_"Landon, you heard your mother, if you want a banana split you'll have to eat all of your burger and fries first."_

_"Awwwwww.  But Daaaaad.  There's too many fries."_

_"I'm sure you'll have no problem finishing them off," his father winked at him and grabbed a few of Landon's fries to help make the process go a little faster._

"Landon?  Landon??"  Jamie's voice pulled him out of his dream state,  "Do you know what you want?"

"Yeah," he grinned.  

They chose a booth next to the jukebox and sat down with their desert choices, a banana split for Landon and a hot fudge sundae made with rocky road ice cream and a strawberry shake chaser for Jamie.

Landon watched his wife's eyes light up as she dipped her spoon into her whipped cream and said, "You're pretty happy right now."

"Yeah," she beamed. "I am."

"Any particular reason why?"

"Hmmm…" she shrugged.  Her eyes met his and her heart fluttered.  She was trying to wait.  She wanted to tell him tonight, but not until they got home.  She had it all planned out.  She would wait until he suggested they lie on their hammock as he did every warm summer night before bed, and when she was lying securely in his arms she would tell him her news.  It was just so hard to keep her mind off of it.  She wasn't sure how he was going to react.  'Oh Landon,' she thought, 'please be okay with this.  Please be strong for me.  I'm going to need you.'

"Hey baby?"

"Yes."

"Nothing," he said breathlessly.  

Their unblinking eyes were locked. 

He could feel a force pulling him to her.  It was just as strong now as it was the first time he felt it…stronger even.  

Their spoons dropped simultaneously as they lifted themselves up and leaned over the table.  

He could taste the combination of chocolate and strawberries upon her lips as his tongue glided across the seam of her mouth.  "Jamie," he said hoarsely.  

Her legs were trembling as she sat back down.  She needed to tell him.  She just didn't know how.  

Landon noticed the sudden change in her demeanor and asked, "You okay baby?"

"Yeah," she cleared her throat.  "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Mmmm hmmm," she said as she took a sip of her thick shake.

"You just seem like you've got something on your mind."  He was worried.  He knew that she probably wouldn't tell him today of all days.  She wouldn't want to ruin their day, but he couldn't seem to get rid of this nagging feeling that she was hiding something from him.  "Jamie?  You know you can talk to me, right?  You don't have to keep anything from me."

She dropped her spoon onto the napkin that laid next to her empty sundae dish and said, "Gee Landon…really?" In an attempt to lighten the somewhat tense mood.

He could hear the sarcasm dripping from her comment and smiled.  After all this time and everything that they've gone through, there was nothing that they couldn't talk about.  Yet something was amiss.  Something just wasn't right with her tonight.

"Are you gonna finish that?" she asked innocently eyeing up his desert and pulling him out of his reverie.

"Well…" he looked down at his half finished treat and back up to her grinning face.  "Here," he pushed the dish between them and said, "Let's share," with a wink.

##

They drove home silently; her hand safely nestled within his.  When they arrived it was his habit to walk around to her side of the car and open the door for her, she was usually halfway out by the time he got there but tonight she sat and waited.  

She was nervous.  She didn't know how he would react to the news.  Could he go through such a life-altering thing again?  Was he strong enough to face this?  Could their love survive yet another shock to her health?

"You wanna lie out on the hammock for a little while?"  

With her back facing him she smiled and said, "I'd love to."

They walked hand in hand across the dewy grass to the hammock.  

As they lied there quietly, thoughts of another night like this passed through Landon's mind.  The night he was certain that she wouldn't make it through till morning.  They talked about their past that night and the path that brought them together. Landon was certain the phone call that saved her life came just hours before impending death. He pulled her closer to him and placed a kiss against her forehead. His palm cupped her cheek as he looked into her sparkling eyes.  "Happy re-birthday baby," he whispered gently.

"Landon," she sighed.  "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Oh Landon," she looked away and blinked back the tears.  She had to tell him.  She couldn't keep this from him anymore.  She didn't want to keep this from him anymore.  It was time and they would face this together…come what may.  She took a deep breath and released it into the crisp night air.

"What is it Jamie?"  His voice was trembling.  He was petrified of her answer, but he would stand beside her through everything.  He vowed to love her…cherish her all the days of his life and he meant it.  "Jamie," he looked down into her tear filled eyes.  "Please baby.  Tell me.  What's wrong? Is it the cancer?  Is it back?"

"What?"  Her head turned sharply towards him.  "My cancer?"

"Is that what's been bothering you?"

"Oh Landon," her fingers threaded through his hair as she pulled his face a breath away from hers.  "No.  It's not the leukemia."

"Then what is it?"

"Landon," her lips brushed against his and she whispered, "I'm pregnant."  

"What?" He shook his head in disbelief.  "What??"

"We're going to have a baby."


	2. Morning Sickness

Dinner and a Movie 

By: Jamie Sommers

Email: jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

Rated: PG –13

Synopsis: The continuing AU saga of Dinner and a Movie.  Landon and Jamie are having a baby!  Lets see how they handle the ups and downs of pregnancy.

For Moi with love.

Chapter two:  Dinner and Morning Sickness 

"Blech," she stuck her tongue out of her mouth as though she had a bad taste in it.  Leaning over the side of the porcelain rim she finally did what she had been dying to do since 5:30 that morning. 

"Oh baby," Landon held her hair back as she continued to let the morning sickness reek havoc with her system.  "I don't understand why they call it morning sickness," he took a cold compress and pressed it against the base of her neck as their dinner made it's second appearance "…if it happens at night why don't they call it evening sickness, or all day sickness."  He rubbed her back in gentle circles saying a silent prayer that this side effect of the pregnancy didn't last too long.

Weeks earlier they had been lying in their hammock when Jamie told Landon about the baby.  At first he was in shock but after a moment or two they began giggling and getting used to the idea that soon they wouldn't just be a couple, they'd be a family.  They began planning the baby's room, the one closest to theirs.  Dreaming of yellows and greens in soft pastel colors.  Discussing whether or not they'd want to know the sex before hand.  They didn't.  Wondering what it would be like to see Jamie with a belly.  And silently Landon worried about his wife's health.  Could she survive this pregnancy?  What if being pregnant brought back the cancer?  He knew that was a silly thought, but when you almost lose the love of your life to such a reckless disease, crazy thoughts go through your mind.  

"You're worried aren't you?" Jamie asked while sitting upright.  She felt woozy, but she knew it would pass.  Since she began having the 'morning' sickness, wooziness just seemed to go hand in hand with it.  She collapsed against Landon's chest, tucking her head under his chin.

He rubbed her back and said, "I know that this is all part of pregnancy, it's just… I can't help but worry about you.  When I see you like that it just reminds me of…"

He didn't have to say it.  She knew it reminded him of the chemotherapy and radiation treatments she received after her transplant.  It was those very same treatments that caused them to believe that they'd never be able to conceive a child.  

"Landon, please don't worry.  Its just part of the plan."

"What plan?  Preparing us for when he's a teenager?"

Jamie chuckled into Landon's chest and asked silently, "How do you know it's a boy?"

"Don't say that.  Please don't say that."

"Why?" she pulled back with a look of concern upon her brow, "Don't you want a girl Landon?"

"Oh it's not that.  I'd be happy either way.  I'm just thinking about being the father of a teenage girl.  I don't know if I could handle any Landon Carters coming to the door to pick her up for a date," he cringed while she giggled.  "The more I think about it, the more I realize what a leap of faith it took on your father's part to say yes to me when I told him I wanted to take you out.  If I were in his shoes I don't think I would've said yes to me."  He looked down at her smiling face and said, "Ready to get cleaned up?"

"Mmmm hmmmm," she nodded, but the moment she moved she had to lean over and get sick again.  She sat upon her knees as they began their nightly ritual.  Her losing her dinner and Landon rubbing her back, telling her it will be all right.  That things would be better soon and when they were all done with this they'd have a beautiful baby to show for it.

It was that thought that kept her strong.  The thought of having yet another one of life's miracles, she never thought she'd experience, bestowed upon her.  Ironically, having a baby never made it on her list of things to do because she didn't believe it possible.  Her list was made up of realistic goals and living long enough to survive a pregnancy wasn't realistic.  Even if she could've had a child before, she wouldn't have done it.  She could never have had a baby knowing that she would have to leave it motherless.  That was a pain she knew all too well and she didn't wish it on anyone.

After another thirty minutes in the bathroom Landon cleaned Jamie up and tucked her into bed.  He went down to the kitchen and began making a sandwich and poured a glass of milk.  He sliced some fruit and made a tray to bring up to her.  

The first time she experience morning sickness Landon thought she'd never look at food again, but within minutes she seemed to get over it and asked him to make her something to eat.  He had made her some tea and dry toast thinking that she'd appreciate the gesture.  He figured it would settle her stomach, but after she devoured the toast and tea she turned to him and said, "Food Landon.  I need FOOD."

He giggled to himself as he walked up the stairs with the tray of "FOOD" in hand.

~ ~ ~

She lied on the examination table, squeezing Landon's hand as the doctor tried endlessly to pick up a fetal heartbeat.  "Is something wrong," she said with a faint whisper.

"No, Jamie." Dr. Basso explained to her that sometimes it's difficult to hear a heartbeat so early on in the pregnancy, "but that's completely normal Jamie."  She saw the look of concern on Jamie's face and knew about her troubled past.  Wanting to put her mind at ease she said, "Tell ya what.  Why don't we do an ultrasound, just to be on the safe side?"  

Jamie and Landon looked at each other and then nodded.  Landon spoke for both of them.  "Thank you Dr. Basso.  I think we'll both feel a lot better if we could see him…her…"

The three of them chuckled as Landon said, "it?"

With the tension in the room at an acceptable level, the doctor prepared Jamie for her next exam.  The ultra sound machine was brought in from another room. 

Landon thought the giant contraption resembled an elaborate computer set up on wheels.  There was a large monitor to view the picture on and below that was the keyboard.  Along sides were the speakers.  It had a cup holder and everything.

The doctor laid a sheet over the lower part of Jamie's body, leaving her abdomen and hips exposed.  Raising the examination gown up to her breast, the doctor took a tube that resembled a plastic bottle of mustard out of the 'cup holder' and squeezed out a blob of warm goo onto Jamie's stomach.  

Picking up what Landon presumed was the computer's mouse; she began to run it somewhat forcefully over Jamie's slightly bulging stomach.  

"I'm sorry for pressing down so hard but we've got a lot of layers of flesh and muscle to go through."

Jamie cringed slightly.  The pressure was causing a desperate need to use the restroom, but it was necessary for her bladder to remain full so the doctor could get the best picture of the baby.

Dr. Basso turned on the speakers and a loud woooosh noise filled the room.  She swirled and pushed the examining tool around Jamie's belly until she found and heard what she was looking for.  "Here we go."  She lifted her other hand to the computer monitor and pointed at a white blob with a small thing pulsing in the middle of it.  

"What is that?" Landon asked, squinting at the computer screen, trying to make out the kidney bean shaped object.

"Is that…" Jamie trailed off.

"That, Mr. and Mrs. Carter, is your baby."  The doctor smiled brightly as she watched the darkened room light up from Jamie and Landon's response at the first glimpse of their unborn child.

Landon and Jamie reached out to grab onto the other's hand immediately.  

"What's that little thing right there," Landon pointed at the screen to the little blob that was pulsating.

"That is your baby's heart."

Their smiles grew even brighter and Jamie breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"And listen…"

They both listened to the noises that were coming from the machine.

"That steady whoosh, whoosh, whooshing noise is the sound of your baby's heart beating." 

"So fast," Jamie said quietly.  "It's so fast."

"Yes it is."  

The doctor went into the explanation of why infant's heart rates are so much faster than adults, but Landon and Jamie were oblivious to her words.  The sound of their child's heartbeat was the only sound in the world.


	3. Dinner and Hormones

Dinner And Hormones  

By:  Jamie Sommers

Email: jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

Rated: PG13

Synopsis:  Jamie's in her fourth month of pregnancy and Landon's having a very difficult time dealing with the rise and fall of her hormones.

Dinner And Hormones 

"How are you feeling today?"

"Pretty good actually," Jamie replied cheerfully.  "Last night was the first night in a long time that I didn't get sick so I'm taking that as a good sign."  She giggled and rubbed her belly.  It was still flat but her clothes were getting snug on her now, and yesterday she couldn't button her jeans.

"Well," Landon's mom said brightly.  "You look wonderful."  Placing a kiss on her cheek she asked, "Would you like something to drink or a snack perhaps?"

"A snack would be great," she said with a blush.  "I'm starving."

"Starving?" Landon asked with raised eyebrows.  "We just ate lunch an hour ago."

"Landon!" his mother scolded.  "She's eating for two now.  I'll go and whip up a little something for you dear," she said then turned to make her way into her house.

"Yeah…" Jamie lifted her chin and tilted it to the side.  "I'm eating for two now."

"So I see," Landon said playfully.  "It's funny though… I thought you'd be showing more by now."

"Me too," she said dejectedly.  "I can't wait to get fat." Her nose crinkled and her eyes squinted in a cute expression.  "I was hoping it would've happened by now."

"Well you're only in your fourth month so give yourself time."

"I know but I was just hoping…" she shrugged her shoulders and stood up, turning to look at the water.  Her hand went down to caress her stomach and she smiled when she felt Landon's hands circle her waist.

He laid his hands upon her belly and rested his chin on her shoulder.  In her ear he began to sing softly, "There's a song that's inside of my soul.  It's the one that I try to write over and over again…"

Jamie's heart swelled with love, as Landon continued to serenade her and their unborn child.

"So I lay my head back down.  And I lift my hands and pray…WHOA!  What the hell was that??"

"I…I don't know."

Landon took his hands off of Jamie's stomach and walked around to face her.  "Was that…could that have been…"

"OH!  OH Landon!  There it is again."

Landon put his hands on her belly and felt the slight flutter underneath his palm.  His child…their child, was moving.

Tears of joy slipped down Jamie's cheeks as she enjoyed the feeling of their baby stirring within her.  "Ooooh…there it goes again."  

Landon dropped to his knees and knelt in front of her, placing his cheek against her abdomen.  The baby kicked once more and this time there was no doubt whether or not it was moving.  It was as though someone was punching from within, trying to make it's way out.

"Wow," he said in a mystified tone.  "That's our baby."  He lifted his eyes to meet hers and smiled.  "That's our baby."

Her fingers threaded through his hair, her palms cupped his cheeks and she smiled back at him.  "Yes it is," she said softly.  

The baby's actions only lasted a few seconds, but Landon stayed on his knees waiting for any sign of movement until his knees grew numb with pain.  Lifting his head to look into her eyes, he breathed softly against her belly, "I love you, Jamie."

"I love you too, Landon."

He lifted himself from his knees and placed a soft kiss upon her lips.  Their eyes were still opened as his fingers weaved through the hair at her temple.  He brushed his lips against hers in invitation, and she responded in kind.

He felt her eyelashes close upon his cheeks as she settled in for the kiss.  His eyes drifted shut as her hands fell to his shoulders.  

Breaths mingled, lips parted until their tongues touched.  A soft stroke, a brush, a flick, and finally… submission.  

She sighed into his mouth, pressing her chest against his and circling his neck with her arms. 

He pulled her head closer to him enabling his tongue to delve deeper into her mouth.  Tasting her…his wife--the love of his life.  

It was in that position, that his mother found them: in a passionate embrace, kissing one another as though no one else in the world existed, and in that moment…no one did.

She cleared her throat, and placed the tray down upon the table.  She smiled at them for they didn't even budge.  Not one movement to suggest that the kiss would end anytime soon.  She leaned back on her haunches and smiled a knowing grin, enjoying the beautiful sight God had put before her: the sun shining upon the water, and two people, her son and her daughter-in-law, completely in love.

"I love you," he whispered into her mouth before continuing the kiss.

"I love you back," she said in a strangled whisper.  

Her lips parted and her tongue slipped out between them.  Stroking the inside of his mouth.  She tasted a sweetness about him with just a hint of cinnamon.  Her fingers trailed down his arms and cupped his elbows.  "Landon," she said breathlessly.  "We have to stop."  She could feel the desire building up within her.  She wanted nothing more than to make love to her husband at that very second and from his reaction to her she knew he felt the same way.

"Oh baby, I don't want to stop."  His arms went around her waist and he drew her in letting her feel the evidence of his desire against her stomach.

"Mmmm," she said throatily.  "Oh Landon." Their heads tilted again and their mouths began to slide back and forth across the others.  

"Landon.  Listen to your wife," his mother chuckled and watched as the pair parted with startled expressions upon their faces.

"Mom!  When did you…uh…"

"Oh Mrs. Carter I'm sorry.  We didn't mean…"

The both spoke at once trying to cover their embarrassment.

"Oh," she flipped a hand at them and began removing some cold sliced meats and cheeses from the tray onto the table.  "Don't be silly.  I was young and in love once too you know."

Jamie's cheeks flushed with color as she turned her head towards the water. 

Landon cleared his throat and coughed slightly, trying to hide his excitement from his mother's view.  "Mom, uh… could you give us a minute here?"

"Oh…sure.  I forgot the iced tea anyway."  

"Hey," Landon's hands cupped Jamie's jaw in a tender embrace.  "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just a bit… flustered."

"I know.  Me too."

"We should've never done that out where anyone could just walk in on us.  I mean… there's a time and a place…"

"Jamie it's not like we were…" the look in his eyes finished his unspoken sentence.

"Well we might as well have been.  It's just…" her hands began trailing up and down his chest, over his arms and around his collar. "I don't know what's come over me lately.  I've been so…" she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and leaned in to place a kiss against his neck, whispering in his ear, "…I don't know…" 

Another kiss and the flick of her tongue against his earlobe and Landon's body began springing to life once again.  "Jamie, you have to stop this.  My mother is going to be out here any moment and…Oh geeeeeez."  Her hand began trailing down his back and her fingertips lightly grazed his buttocks.

"You're right," she said softly against his neck.  "We should stop."  She playfully smacked his left cheek and said, "Let's eat Carter." 

Landon stood staring at her back as she strode off towards the table to make herself a sandwich.  He was in shock at the way she could switch moods so easily.  One moment she wanted nothing more than to throw him down and make love to him and the next all she wanted was to throw down a sandwich.  

"Oh good," his mom said turning the corner with a pitcher of iced tea and three glasses in hand. "You're eating.  Can't let my grandchild go hungry now can we?"

"Hmmmph," he snorted.  "Women," Landon mumbled to himself and plopped down to make a snack before Jamie ate it all.  

He was becoming more and more frustrated with her moods lately.  He knew it was all part of pregnancy and that it was only going to get worse from here, but how was he supposed to cope with this?  Maybe he should take advantage of this time with his mom and bring up this whole mood swing thing.  Maybe she could make Jamie realize that she's driving him nuts and that she should just…  Landon lifted a piece of cheese up to his mouth.  From the corner of his eye he saw her, Jamie.  His heart stopped beating for a moment.  

She sat there with a gob of mayonnaise in the corner of her mouth.  Three different types of meats, two different types of cheeses, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and crushed up Doritos adorned the thick slices of sour dough bread to create the perfect sandwich.  She had to squeeze the contraption down with both hands in order to fit it into her mouth.  She refused the iced tea saying the caffeine wasn't good for the baby and instead drank a large glass of milk. 

Suddenly all of Landon's frustrations were washed away.  It no longer mattered that her moods were up one minute and down the next.  All that mattered was that she was here, alive and well, and she was his.

"Were you going to eat that piece of white cheddar or are you waiting for it to turn into bleu cheese?" asked his mom sarcastically.

"Huh?" At that moment Landon could've been the poster child for dazed and confused.

"Bwa chwwweeez," Jamie said with a full mouth and little pieces of bread flew out of the corners of her mouth.  "Ooof… 'cooof me."

"It's okay baby," Landon smiled and bit into his cheese with gusto.

His mom chuckled and began reminiscing about her pregnancy with Landon.  "I remember when I was pregnant with you Landon. Ohhhhhh how I craved bananas." She turned to face Jamie and asked her, "have you had any cravings yet?"

Jamie shook her head no with a mouthful of food as Landon's mom continued.

"I couldn't get enough of them.  I'd dip them in melted chocolate and put them in the freezer.  Oooooooooh that was sooooo good." She closed her eyes and put her hand over her stomach as though she were going back in time and enjoying one right at that very minute.  "Banana ice cream was another one and banana fritters.  Oh and banana pancakes.  But the best," she reached out and put her hand on Jamie's.  "The absolute best were the ultimate banana splits we would get at the dairy freeze.  Landon's dad and I would go there all the time and get them, with extra cherries of course, and I would devour the entire thing in less than a minute.  I swear it."

"Yeah but weren't you worried mom?" Landon asked with a look of concern on his face.  "I mean all that junk food probably wasn't very good for you during the pregnancy was it?"

She rolled her eyes at her son and looked at Jamie with a knowing grin, "Men.  They just don't understand do they?"

Jamie shook her head no and nibbled on a piece of cheese with a slice of pepperoni.

"Well dad's a doctor, you would think that he of all people would've…"

"Yes but Landon, your father was a man first."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well let's just say bananas had a…_certain_…affect on me."  She wagged her eyebrows and giggled.

"WHAT??"  Landon choked on the cracker he was trying to eat and said, "Mo…mom!!!"

Jamie began laughing and said quietly, "Peanut butter.  I get that way with peanut butter."

"Really?" His mom asked.  

"Well I've been getting that way a lot more often lately and I don't even have to eat peanut butter first.  I'm not sure why it's happening."

"Hormones dear.  It's the hormones.  They're all over the place during pregnancy.  One minute you want sex more than the air you breathe, and the next minute you want nothing to do with it."

Landon's eyebrows shot up to the top of his hairline, "I cannot believe you're talking about this.  I mean…" He reached down and picked up some slices of bread and sandwich meat letting them flop around aimlessly in his hands to accentuate his point.  "…we're eating here!  This is NOT proper mealtime etiquette."

"Oh Landon.  Get over it." His mother rolled her eyes at him again and patted Jamie's hand between her own.  "So tell me dear, how are your breasts?"

"OH GEEEEEEEEEZ!" Landon rolled his head to the side and let the luncheon meat drop from his fingers.

"Well they're still a bit tender," Jamie was a bit embarrassed about sharing this type of information, but Landon's mother was the closest thing she's ever had to a mom in her whole life and she adored the woman.  "Sometimes…" she flustered a bit.

"It's okay dear you just go ahead and say it, we're all family here."

Jamie looked at Landon and then back over to her mother-in-law, "Well, sometimes…uh…during…um…"

"Oh for cripe's sake," Landon muttered under his breath.  He was completely shocked that Jamie was talking about this out loud, and with his mom of all people.

"Oh Landon," his mother said, "You just hush up.  I'd like to see you deal with the changes in your body like she's dealing with and not talk about it with someone that's been through it.  Now if you can't be a supportive husband then go… go sit by the water, but if you're going to be the good and kind man that I know is in there underneath that stupid boy, you're more than welcome to stay and learn a few things."  Landon smirked at his mom's last statement just as she finished up with.  "I meant that with love Landon."

"I know you did mom."  He turned to Jamie and said, "I'm sorry baby.  You go ahead and talk to mom about it.  I couldn't think of anyone better to talk to if I were you."

"Are you going to sit here and be good or are you going to be stupid by the water?" Jamie asked with the most angelic smile upon her face.

He chuckled and said, "I think I'm gonna be good and learn a few things.  Now…" he crossed his legs at the ankles and rested his elbows on the table acting as though he were his cocky young self from his early high school days.

Landon's mom and Jamie exchanged silent looks that said, he thinks he so smart.  

"You were saying something about your breasts during…"

Jamie called his bluff by picking up the conversation and saying, "Yes… during intercourse my breasts are exceptionally tender to Landon's touch."  She watched Landon's Adam's apple bob up and down out of the corner of her eye. She turned her face, trying desperately to hold back her laughter, and looked directly at Landon's mom, "I'm not sure if it's me or if he's being too rough."

Landon's mother bit her lip and watched Landon swallow…hard as she said with a straight face, "Perhaps he's being a bit too aggressive when he shows affection?"  Turning to face him head on she forced herself to keep her cool and said, "Landon, why don't you demonstrate for us on this fruit how you do it?"  She picked up one of the navel oranges out of the fruit basket on the patio table and held it out to him, navel side up. 

"WHAT???"  He pushed back from the table falling off of his seat and landing flat on his backside.

Both Jamie and her mother-in-law looked at one another and cracked up laughing.  Tears were coming out of their eyes as Landon lied there with a shocked look upon his face.  

"Oh I get it… You two," he pointed back and forth at them and forced a laugh out.  "You thought you had me but… Yeah… I'm onto you two.  You know… I think... I think," he stood up and began to walk backwards tripping over the potted plants and steps.  "I'm just gonna go sit by the water and be stupid after all. Yeah… sit by the water…" He turned and began mumbling to himself as he walked towards the water.

"Oh that wasn't nice.  And young lady," Landon's mom smacked Jamie playfully on the forearm, " I can't believe how you played along.  I do believe I'm a bad influence on you."

"Well every now and then I have to shock that son of yours and you're right, I do believe you are a bad influence on me, but I like that," Jamie smiled.  "Oh his face when you handed him that orange…" their schoolgirl laughter echoed over the water and onto the breeze.

~ ~ ~

They rode most of the trip in silence.  Every now and then Jamie would giggle and Landon would look at her as though he were angry.  He hadn't been angry with her for a while now, but he was enjoying this little game they were playing.  

While they were still at his mother's house he would feign disappointment and she would try to cajole him out of his foul mood with pecks on his cheeks and whispers against his skin.  "We were just teasing Landon.  I'm really sorry.  You know I would never really do anything like that to you on purpose, it was just…a spur of the moment thing."

During their journey home she took to trailing her fingers up and down the back of his neck.  It went around his earlobe and down the side of his throat, then she removed it and laid it on his thigh squeezing it every few minutes and giving him that look that said, 'don't worry.  I'll make this up to you when we get home.'

Landon hadn't said a word to her until they arrived at their house.  Jamie had unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for her car door when Landon said, "I'll get it.  Stay there."  As was his habit, he walked around the car and opened the door for her, helping her out of the car and then walking hand in hand with her to the steps.

Once inside Jamie turned into a completely different woman.  Landon wasn't sure who she was.  Their front door was barely closed and Landon's back was already pressed up against the wall adjacent to it.  

Her mouth was meshed with his and her hands began tearing at his clothes.  His jacket had to go, and so did his belt.  She began toeing off her shoes as he reached behind her to unbutton his sleeves at the wrists.  

They didn't speak; there was no need to.  

His hands plunged into her hair and he pulled her closer so he could plunge his tongue deeper into her mouth.  Her tongue was velvety soft and tasted of the peach she had eaten right before they had left.  His tongue massaged hers in a fiery kiss as her fingers began undoing the buttons on the front of his shirt.  His fingers joined hers in a frenzied race.   

Once his shirt was opened Jamie's hands pushed it aside to reveal Landon's t-shirt stretched over his taught muscles.  

Their lovemaking was unlike anything they'd ever experienced before.  Wild and frenzied, satiating a side of both of them that they never knew existed.

They lied with one another on the floor, just a few feet from the front door.  Jamie's back was curled into Landon's chest and belly.  Landon's legs were tucked between Jamie's and his arms were holding her close.  Skeins of her hair were drying against patches of their sweaty skin.  They hadn't said a word to one another since they had collapsed afterwards.  Both of them were struggling to regain control of their bodies.  Eventually their breathing regulated and they began spooning.

Landon didn't know what to say.  He almost felt like he should apologize.  He didn't know what had come over him.  He glanced down at Jamie and noticed a dark smudge on her hip.  He reached down to brush it away.

Her breath caught when he touched her.  "Ouch."

"I'm sorry baby.  Did that hurt?" he asked her.

"Yeah.  What is that?"  She lifted her head up and looked down towards her hip.

"I thought it was just a dirt smudge but," Landon sat up a bit and stared at it.  "It looks like a bruise."

"Oh."  Jamie shrugged her shoulders and lied back down not giving it another thought.

Landon's voice began to tremble, "Oh baby, baby.  I'm so sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  I had no clue I was pressing you that hard."  He threw himself back and let his arm flop over his forehead.  "I can't believe I did that to you."

"Oh Landon.  Don't worry about it."  She reached back and took hold of his hand, wrapping it around her securely.  

"Don't worry about it?"  He laid his forehead against the back of her hair.  "Baby I swear I'll never do that to you again.  I'll never…"

"Landon.  Stop.  Stop it right now."  She rolled over to face him and put her arms underneath his.  "Do you think I didn't enjoy tonight?"

"Well I know you didn't enjoy me hurting you."

"You're wrong."  She squeezed his back and said quietly, "I enjoyed all of it.  Landon what we did wasn't out of rage or anger, it was out of love and passion."  She felt a blush creeping up her cheeks, but it was important that she let him know that tonight was more than thrilling for her.  "I'll admit I was a bit hesitant when you…" she took a deep breath and continued, "…when you started to kiss me down there, but I really liked it.  It was very sensual and…ummm…I was kind of hoping that maybe…" she grinned.

He looked down into her adoring eyes, "Maybe?"

"Well…"  

A rose colored hue had adorned her cheeks and all thoughts of guilt melted away as he asked, "Would you like to try that again sometime?"

'Yes,' she nodded.  "I think I'd like that very much."

They lay there for a moment or two when suddenly Landon felt Jamie begin to tremble.  His first thought was that she was cold, but then he heard her giggle.  "What's so funny?"

"Nothing really," she chuckled.  "I was just thinking," she looked up at him with innocent eyes.  "These hormones can be a good thing sometimes, huh?"

"Well, I must admit," he placed a kiss atop her forehead, "they do have their moments."

Jamie snuggled her head under Landon's chin and said not so shyly, "We should do it that way more often.  I liked it."

Her body was worn out, yet exuberated all at the same time.  She had experienced something tonight that she had never dreamed of.  She discovered a side of herself that she had no clue existed.  In fact, she had been experiencing more and more of life's wonders since her marriage to Landon.  

She trailed her fingers up and down his spine, feeling the ridges, memorizing every curve, every bump.  In her mind she said a silent thank you to him.   Thank you for being so patient with me Landon, for understanding my misgivings and my concerns, but most of all thank you for being so willing to accommodate a pregnant woman's fluctuating hormones.  She smiled against his chest and fell asleep in his arms minutes later.  

"Your welcome," he replied.

She hadn't realized that she had spoken her thoughts out loud.  

He carried her up to bed shortly after, thinking that the draft from the front door couldn't be good for her, or the baby, and laid her on their bed.  Looking at the clock he realized that she would probably want something to eat for dinner soon so he quietly crept off of the bed to retrieve a pair of pajama pants, but she awoke the moment the warmth of his arms left her body.

"Where are you going?" she asked groggily.

"I thought maybe you might be hungry."

"Mmmmm," she licked her lips seductively and said, "I think I am."

Landon knelt on the bed as if to get off of it.

"Where are you going?"  Jamie asked again.

"Well," he said with a confused look upon his face.  "You just said you were hungry.  I thought I'd go make something to eat for you."

"Oh," she reached out and trailed her fingers down his thigh.  "That's not really what I'm hungry for."  

Her Cheshire cat grin was one that Landon will remember forever.  His smile matched hers as he leaned over her and reached for the phone.

"Landon!  Who on earth are you calling at a time like this?"

"Mama Rosa's pizza.  Trust me baby.  I know you and after this you're gonna want to eat."

He ordered two large pizza's knowing that she'd want a midnight snack and then he gladly helped to accommodate his wife's fluctuating hormones late into the night.


	4. Dinner and Dreams

Dinner And Dreams 

By Jamie Sommers

Email:  jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

Rated: P/G 13

Synopsis:  The next chapter in the A/U story of Landon and Jamie's life.

Dinner And Dreams 

The minute she lied down she felt the boom boom boom coming from within her.  "Mommy's tired, honey.  She needs to sleep," Jamie spoke quietly to her unborn baby and rubbed her engorged stomach.  

Landon walked out of their bathroom with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth mumbling, "Hmmmm?"

"Oh nothing."  Jamie rolled onto her side and faced Landon.  "I was just telling our child that I needed to sleep and that this was not the time to start playing."

Landon lifted up his chin as though acknowledging her and went to finish his nighttime routine.  He began speaking to his wife, once his mouth was free of toothpaste.  "She really likes to start kicking whenever you decide you want to rest, huh?"  

"Yeah," Jamie smiled down at her swollen tummy and began rubbing it in a slow circle.  "The doctor says it's because when I'm moving during the day, it's like I'm rocking her to sleep."

"You don't suppose that will make her think that she should sleep all day and be up all night do you?" Landon asked while drying his face off with a hand towel.

"Well," Jamie yawned.  The long day had finally taken its toll on her.  "That could be the reason why parents have been getting absolutely no sleep at night for generations and generations."

"Damn."  Landon shut the light off to the bathroom and sat on the edge of their bed.  "Here I thought this was going to be the perfect baby and it turns out she's just priming herself to be like all the others."  He leaned over, laying his hand upon Jamie's stomach and began whispering into her navel.  "You're not going to be like all those other baby's are you honey?  You're not going to keep your daddy up all night are you?"  He laid his ear where his lips had been, as though he were listening to the infant's response.  He made faces like the child were speaking to him, furrowing his brow and lifting his finger to silence Jamie when she tried to interrupt.  "Okay," he said brightly as he placed a kiss against Jamie's belly.  "I didn't think so, but I just had to check."

Jamie looked at her husband with a tired grin, "So what did she say?"

"Well she said that her daddy wasn't wrong about her and that she is the perfect infant and that she would never," he kissed Jamie's hand and laid it down upon her stomach.  "Never," he kissed her other hand.  "Keep her daddy up all night."

"Oh really," Jamie asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes really." Landon stretched himself out next to her.  "Now her mommy on the other hand…" his raised eyebrows finishing his thoughts for him.

"Yeah, I know.  She's going to be rumbling around in there all night," Jamie said.

"Hey," Landon fluffed up his pillow and settled in for the night.  "Do you think she's getting upset with us for calling her _she_ because she's really a _he_?"

"Huh?" Jamie looked at Landon as though he had two heads.

"Well," he flopped onto his back so Jamie could curl herself into his side.  He smiled inwardly as he felt her stomach brush against his ribs.  Her head rested in the crook of his arm and her leg wrapped around his.  "Ever since we decided to call the baby a _she_ instead of an _it_, _she_… I mean _he_…well…the baby's been giving ya a hard time."

Jamie looked up at Landon with a smirk and shook her head, "You're a nut Carter."

"Well," he yawned.  "It's something to think about."  

Landon lied there for a moment and then reached up to shut the lamp off.  Their bedroom was instantly bathed in moonlight.  It streamed in through the French doors and left a luminous glow about the room.  Landon looked around and tried to let his mind wind down.  Lately he seemed to feel physically tired a lot earlier than he felt mentally tired.  He knew he had been doing more around the house, preparing for the baby and trying to keep as much of the household responsibilities off of Jamie as possible, but tonight for some reason his mind just wouldn't stop racing.  He lied there for minutes on end letting the warmth of Jamie's body seep through his skin.  He reveled in the touch of her flesh, the smell of her hair, the wonders that pregnancy had bestowed upon her body.  He was in awe of his wife's changing figure.  From the back she looked exactly the same as before but from the side she has the cutest little pouf in her belly.  She had recently started wearing maternity clothes that accentuated her maternal state and it made Landon's pulse race whenever he saw her.  Her skin would glisten even before she applied any form of make up, and Jamie very rarely wore any make up at all.  Her hair had been growing quite rapidly as well and was just above her waist.  When he mentioned it to his mother, she had made a comment about the pre-natal vitamins doing its job.  So many thoughts seemed to be overlapping in his head when suddenly a sound, a hum came from Jamie.  She began to snore.  Landon smiled down at her as her quiet buzz vibrated against his chest.  "I guess that little baby of ours isn't going to keep you up after all."  He leaned his head down, placing a kiss against her brow and whispered into her hair, "I love you Jamie.  Sleep well."  His eyes closed as he concentrated on the gentle purr coming from his wife.  Within minutes he fell asleep.  

_Tap, tap, tap_.  "Mmmmm, t'is okay baby.  Go back to sleep."  _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_.  Landon's eyes fluttered as he felt the tapping against his spine once again.  _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_.  A look over his shoulder confirmed what he had suspected.  He wanted to wake up Jamie and ask her to roll over, but he knew that she would never get back to sleep if he had done that, so he simply lied there and tried to ignore it.  _Tap, tap, tap, tap_.  What happened to our little talk, he thought to himself.  Earlier, you told me you wouldn't keep daddy up all night.  _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_.  "I guess you changed your mind," he said under his breath.  

Jamie snuggled her belly into Landon's back and buried her head into his pillow.  Her hand gripped his hip and she let out a loud breathing sigh.  "If you want a bowl of ice cream I'm okay with that."

"What?" Landon asked trying to peer at her from over his shoulder.

"I could go for a scoop of daiquiri ice right now."

"Jamie," Landon asked quietly.  "Are you awake?"

"Or maybe just some butter pecan, with salsa on top."

Landon felt her head settle deeper into his pillow and the now familiar, tap, tap, tap of the baby against his back.  He tried to roll over, to face her, but to no avail.  Her grip on his hip and the position of the baby behind his back left him stuck in a precarious position.  "Jamie," he whispered again.  "Baby?"

"When I was a little girl I would walk with my daddy to the ice cream parlor and we would get a cone after church on Sundays.  He told me stories about my mother.  Tell our baby stories about me Landon," Jamie's voice got thick with emotion.  "Tell our baby about me when I'm gone."

"Jamie?" Landon's voice got louder when he realized that Jamie had been talking in her sleep and that she was on the verge of a very unpleasant nightmare.  "Baby you need to wake up."

"I don't want to die Landon.  I'll pray.  I've been praying, but what if God decides to take me away now?  What if he takes me away?"

Landon thrust himself quickly over, trying his hardest not to hurt her.  "Jamie," his hands were placed on her shoulders, his face a breath away from hers.  The tap, tap, tap that had been beating gently against his spine was now rapping on his stomach.  "Jamie, you're having a bad dream baby.  Please get up?"  He shook her gently, placing a kiss against her brow.  "Please," he cleared his throat when he saw the tears slowly leaking out of the corners of her eyes.  "Oh baby, please?"  He pulled her to him and surrounded her with his arms.  "You're not going anywhere Jamie.  I won't let you go.  I'll never let you go."

She felt the familiar warmth of Landon's arms surrounding her, and the pressure of the baby against her bladder.  She was wondering what was wrong with Landon.  He seemed to be upset.  He was speaking in hushed tones.  "Landon?"  Her arms reached up and she began stroking his back in a comforting caress.  "Are you okay?"

"Jamie?" Landon pulled back and cradled her face in his hands.  "Oh baby," his thumbs brushed away the teardrops that were beginning to dry upon her cheeks.  "You were having a nightmare and…and…" 

"Just breathe Landon.  Breathe."  Jamie didn't remember a nightmare.  All she knew is that one-minute she was sleeping and the next Landon was waking her up as though he were petrified of something.  "I'm fine Landon, and it couldn't have been that bad if I can't even remember it, right?"

"Yeah," he laid his head upon her brow and blew out a cleansing breath.  "It's just… Jamie?" He looked deeply into her eyes; "You know you can tell me if you're afraid of anything right?"  Maybe, he thought, she was afraid of the same thing happening to her that had happened to her mother.  "You know that I'll always be here to talk, don't you?"

"Yes Landon," the corners of her mouth lifted in a gentle smile.  "I know that.  It's one of the reasons I chose you."

"You chose me, huh?"  He smiled as she snuggled into his arms. 

"Mmmm hmmmm.  I chose you."

"What makes you so sure I didn't choose you and I was just playing hard to get?"

"Hard to get?" she looked up at him with a lifted brow.  "Impossible to get is more like it."

"Hah!"  He laughed into her hair.  

"What are you laughing about?"  She poked him in the ribs and kissed his jaw.

"Well if I was impossible to get then what am I doing here?"

"Like I said," she squeezed his torso even tighter and closed her eyes against his chin.  "I chose you.  I wanted you.  I prayed for you and God knew that I needed you."

After a long pause he lifted her face with one finger to look into her eyes, "He knew that I needed you too."

They kissed softly.  

Her lips tasted like warm milk, like home.  Landon felt the moist tip of her tongue trace the edges of his mouth.  He opened his lips and invited her in.  Their lovemaking was slow and beautiful and when they were through, Jamie curled once again into Landon's back with her stomach pressed against his spine. 

_Tap, tap, tap_.  His chuckle was low and vibrated through his chest.  _Tap, tap, tap_.  It was going to be a long night.

~ ~ ~ 

She stood at the front of the church wearing a simple dress of crushed pink silk.  It wrapped snuggly around her breast and tied above her belly.  The rest of the dress flowed in soft waves around her slim form, accentuating her curves.  Her svelte hips, her shapely legs and her round belly.  The choir stood behind her in their white robes singing back up as she began her solo.  Her hand automatically rested against her swollen abdomen when she began to sing in her usual soft and melodious tone, but today she sounded as though she were serenading her child.  Rocking it to sleep with a lullaby that the rest of the congregation was privileged to hear.

Landon watched her with adoration filling his eyes.  She was the most beautiful woman in the world to him.  Her pregnancy just accentuated that beauty.  It's funny, he thought, how whenever he was in church, he felt closer to Jamie then anywhere else.  This place is what brought them together.  He was never big on religion but the longer he was with his wife he believed more and more in the powers of God.  The most miraculous thing God had ever done, in Landon's eyes, was standing at the front of the church in pink.  He smiled at her form and thought how blessed he was.  Thank You Lord for blessing me with the most incredible woman in the world.  It was at that moment that Landon realized God had been there for both him and Jamie during the most crucial times of their lives so he thought he would bring the nightmare thing up to see if perhaps God could help with that as well.  Lord, he prayed to himself.  She's been having some bad dreams lately, which I'm certain you're aware of.  I'm not sure if she knows what she's dreaming about or not, but I'm hoping you can help her through them.  I don't know if it's the cancer she fears or if its what killed her mother during her own childbirth, but I do know she's afraid of something.  She's talking in her sleep at night and sometimes she's crying.  I hate to wake up to the sound of her crying in her sleep.  It must disturb the baby and it can't be good for her either.  I've tried talking to her about it but she seems to be oblivious to it.  I'm not asking for much, like for you to take them away completely or anything, I'm sure they're happening for a reason, but maybe you could help me figure out what that particular reason is.  Thanks for listening and… God?  Landon looked up at his wife as she lifted her face to him staring him directly in the eyes.  Thank you God for giving me the love of my life, for not taking her from me, and for letting our love grow into a child.  Amen.

~ ~ ~ 

"So what you're thinking is the room closest to yours instead of that second room?"

"Well, yeah.  That's what we thought.  Unless of course you think that we should use that second room for some reason."

Jamie watched as her father and her husband sat deep in conversation discussing the best place for the nursery.  Jamie knew that it really didn't matter because for the first three months they were planning on having the baby stay in their room, but she let her father revel in the role of Grandpa, and from the looks on his and Landon's faces, he was doing a great job.  

She lifted her fingers and ran them lightly across the piano keys, focusing on the photos above her.  "Mom," she whispered.  She began to play.  Tinkering softly into the afternoon breeze, her voice began to hum the melody and her eyes closed.  

"_Jesus.  Jesus. Jesus._

_There's just something about that name._

_Master. Savior. Jesus._

_Like the fragrance after the rain_.

_Jesus. Jesus. Jesus._

_Let all heaven and earth proclaim_.

_Kings and kingdoms shall all pass away_

_But there's something about that name_."

Reverend Sullivan listened as Jamie sang quietly and he laid a hand on Landon's leg as if silencing him.  He gestured towards Jamie with his chin and smiled a pleasant smile, but there was something eating away at him from behind it.  He worried about his daughter on a daily basis and was concerned about her going through such a physically challenging thing as childbirth after facing her leukemia.  He wondered if she was able to handle it and in the back of his mind was that nagging feeling… that what if…   

Landon's smile faded as he saw the tears caress his wife's cheeks.  He knew they weren't tears of sorrow, but he could feel her aching within as her voice echoed through the quiet house.  He watched as her eyes opened once, she focused on the ceiling, then she closed them again.  Landon listened to the words she sang and wondered if there was some sort of hidden message within it.

"_Kings and kingdoms shall all pass away_

_But there's something about that name._

_Yes there's something about that name._

_Jesus. Jesus. Jesus_."

Jamie plunked out the last of the notes and laid her fingers upon the piano's cover, pulling it out and covering the keys.  She backhanded the tears away from her eyes and smiled once again at the photo of her mother.  When she turned she fully expected her father to be in the same state as her.  

Reverend Sullivan sat with a grin upon his face from ear to ear.  "She would've loved that Jamie.  She would've been so proud of you."

Jamie was relieved to see her father smiling instead of aching as she was.  "Do you think so daddy?"  She stood and walked towards her father's open arms.

"I know so."  Reverend Sullivan stood in front of his favorite chair waiting with open arms to comfort his daughter.  "She's watching you know and I know she's very proud of you, and I'm sure she's very excited about being a grandmother."

Jamie chuckled into her father's broad shoulder and sniffled.  "I hope so."

Landon wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he stood up and comforted his wife just the same.  "Baby?  Are you okay?"  He laid his hand upon her back waiting for some form of response.

"Landon," her father answered.  "That song was Jamie's mother's favorite.  I used to sing it to her when she was a baby, but when she got old enough to realize that I was tone deaf…" they all chuckled at his stab at humor.  

"Thank you daddy," Jamie whispered in his ear.  She leaned up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.  "I'll be right back."  She excused herself and left the room saying she needed to clean up.

"Reverend?" Landon looked at his father-in-law, and wondered if he should take him into his confidence about the nightmares.

"Don't worry son.  All pregnant women get emotional like this.  One minute they're happy.  The next they're crying their eyes out."

"No sir, that's not what I was concerned about.  It's uh…"  Landon looked between his feet and lifted his head up to face his father-in-law.  "Reverend, would you mind if I asked you some questions about your wife and how she uh…she…um…"  He began to fidget in his seat, his hand scratching aimlessly at the back of his head.

"How she died?" he finished.

Landon cleared his throat and summoned up all of his courage before facing him again and saying, "Yes."

"Why don't you meet me at the church next week monday for a little while.  I'll be free around 10:00 in the morning.  Maybe Jamie could go shopping with your mother for a bit," he hinted slyly.  

Landon got his message loud and clear; Jamie should be left out of this.  

"Daddy?" Jamie called from the other room.  "Landon???"  Her voice began getting louder and more worrisome.  "Quick!!  Quick!!"

Both men were petrified and ran to the back of the house, fearing that something horrid had happened.  

"Do you see it?"  She stood staring out the window into the back yard.  "Do you see it?" she repeated.

"What?"  Landon's heart was racing.  He was frantically searching the floor for signs of her water breaking early or hemorrhaging.  "What is it??"

"The mother deer and her baby.  Look," she pointed.

Both men sighed with relief when her worry free smile adorned her face. 

"They're so beautiful.  I've never seen them come so close have you daddy?"

"No Jamie," he ran his hand through his hair and blew out a gust of air.  "I've never seen them so close to the house before."

Landon's chuckle started vibrating through his chest until finally it came out as a full and boisterous belly laugh.  He sank down against the wall and looked up at his father-in-law as he joined him in laughter.

"What's so funny?" Jamie asked innocently.

Landon shook his head and looked up from his crouched position.  "You."

"Me?" she asked innocently, the deer forgotten.  "What did I do?"

"You scared the living shi…uh…" Landon stuttered.

"What your husband is trying to tell you Jamie is that when a woman five months pregnant starts screaming the way you did, you tend to think the worst, and to put it mildly… you scared the living hell out of us."

Landon's jaw dropped as his laughter continued.  "Do me a favor baby?  The next time you see a deer, just call out, hey Landon I see a deer, instead of come quick.  Let's leave the come quick's for deliveries, water breaking, labor pains…" he stood up and kissed her before looking over her shoulder, "now…where are these deer?"

~ ~ ~

They curled together preparing themselves for an evening of quiet slumber, his arms securely wrapped around her waist; his hands lie gently against her bulging stomach.  He could feel their baby moving, rolling back and forth underneath his palms as Jamie settled deeper into their bed.  

His soft sigh tickled her neck, causing her to smile against her pillow.  "Landon?"  She said tenderly.

"Yeah baby?"

"Do you ever worry about after the baby comes?"

"What do you mean?"  He wondered if she was going to tell him about the nightmares now.  

"Like… do you wonder if we'll still be like this or do you think that we'll become like so many other married people and let carpools and soccer games take over our lives?"

"Well," he rested his chin against her shoulder and spoke quietly into her ear.  "I suppose it's up to us.  I mean there may be times when being a parent will probably take it's toll on us, but it will only come between our marriage if we let it."

"I guess I just worry sometimes…" she trailed off.

"Jamie?" He wondered.  "Where is this coming from?"  

"No where especially.  It's just that…" she laid in silence for a moment and then rolled over to face him.  "Yesterday I was at the market and I saw this family, a little boy, he must've been around 5 or 6 and his parents.  When you looked at them they looked like the ideal family.  Beautiful, you know, but I could tell that there was something missing.  The little boy was telling them about his day at school and the mom just kept saying, 'that's great honey,' but you could tell she wasn't really listening and the dad… well he just seemed to be oblivious to everything.  It was like he was there because he had to be."  Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes as she looked at Landon.  "Promise me Landon.  Promise me that we'll never be like that.  That we'll never take life for granted."

"I promise baby.  I promise I'll never take you or our children for granted.  I've come too close to losing you and there is no way in hell that I'll ever take that for granted."  He bent his head little down and placed a kiss against her tear-streaked face.  "I love you so much Jamie."

"I love you too."

It was as though their unborn child heard their declarations of love and decided to chime in by kicking as hard as it could.  Jamie and Landon looked down at her stomach and watched a tiny little fist sized lump try to push its way through her belly.  

"It's amazing isn't it?"  Jamie asked as they looked at the baby making its presence known, between them.

"Yeah, it is.  We created that."

"Yes we did," Jamie's hand cupped Landon's cheek.  "Oh Landon," she sighed.  "Thank you so much."

"For what?"

"For everything.  Marrying me, loving me, the baby…"  

"I should be the one thanking you.  You've given me so much baby.  If it wasn't for you I'd probably be dead or in jail by now."

"Oh I don't know about dead…" Jamie chided.  "Now jail…" she tilted her head to the side and giggled slightly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.  I was a major screw up before I met you."

"I wouldn't say you were a screw up."

"Oh," he pulled her body closer to his own.  "What would you say I was then?"

"You were just a little confused about which path to take Landon."

"Confused huh?"

"Mmmm hmmmm.  You weren't sure if you should go down the right path or the wrong path so you just kept drifting in between the two."

"Oh I see.  So you thought I was a drifter so to speak?"

"NO.  No not a drifter.  Definitely not a drifter."

"Well what then?"

"Hmmm," she wondered.

"A misfit?"

"No I think that title definitely belonged to me, not you."

He laughed softly.  "A rebel?"

"Yes…maybe.  More like a…a…" she looked deeply into his eyes and remembered how she felt the day after Clay Gephardt's accident.  "I guess I always felt bad for you Landon.  I always thought of you as misunderstood."

He questioned her silently with his eyes.

"You said, and did, so many things that would definitely qualify you as a rebel, yet you constantly contradicted yourself by your actions."

"What do you mean?  What actions?"

"Oh little things like, giving me your star frame in the sixth grade or telling Dean to laugh at my joke that day you were doing your custodial duties during my Stars and Planets meeting."

Landon thought back to that day and although, it was only just over two years earlier, it seemed like a lifetime ago that he was sweeping the gym.

"I was actually pretty frightened of him that day," Jamie continued, "but for some reason I stood up to him."

"You were scared of him?"

"Yes."

"Well it didn't show."

"I took pride in hiding my fear when it came to your group of friends back then."

"Did we scare you babe?"

"Usually I was okay, but every now and then… yes.  Dean scared me."

"Why?  I mean I know we were mean to you," his voice cracked.  "but…geez Jamie… We never did anything… I mean…" A thought suddenly occurred to him.  "I never did anything violent towards you, but… did Dean?"

"NO!  No. Not at all.  He's just got that kind of personality.  Sometimes I worry for Tracy."

"Nah.  Dean's all talk baby.  He wouldn't hurt her."

"I don't know Landon.  I just think that there's some sort of hidden anger there."

Landon's eyes focused on the wall behind Jamie as different memories popped into his mind.  Dean and Tracy fighting the night of the incident with Clay.  "He pushed her," he said out loud without realizing it.

"What?"

"He pushed her.  The night that we went to the cement factory I remember Tracy telling Dean that he had had enough to drink and Dean started yelling at her, telling her that he'd had enough of her shit and he pushed her."

"Oh," Jamie said.

"I never thought of it much.  None of us did.  I guess we were just so used to them either fighting or kissing that things like that never really bothered us much."  

"Well didn't you notice him pushing her at the time?"

"No.  Not really.  I mean… I remember him doing it, but at the time I had a little too much beer in me and I…" He had never admitted to Jamie that he was drunk that night and he wondered for a moment how she would take it.  When she simply waited for him, in silence, to continue his story he released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding in.  "Anyway, I know I told him to calm down and I tried to just make light of the subject, but then Clay got there and… well you know the rest."

"Yeah… I know the rest." Tilting her head to the side she asked, "Landon?  Do you ever wonder if we would've gotten together if you hadn't pressured Clay into jumping?"

"Oh no doubt about it.  We would've definitely gotten together."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I would've done something wrong that would've gotten me punished by principal Kelly sooner or later so…" he shrugged.

"Oh Landon," she chuckled lightly.  "I really do love you."

~ ~ ~ 

"_Have you never been mellow?  Have you never triiiiiiiied…to find the comfort from insiiiiiiiiiiiide you_?"  

Landon cringed as Jamie continued to sing along with Olivia Newton John's Greatest hits as they drove from the church to Landon's father's house.  He loved his wife and found some of her quirks to be charming, but this particular one…

"Oh I love this one!!!" Jamie cheered and joined in as Olivia sang on.  "_Please mister pleeeeeeeeease_…"

Landon's eyes squinted in pain as she continued to serenade him with the worst music he'd ever heard in his life.  He had been listening to Jamie sing along with the CD for almost twenty miles now and he had finally hit his breaking point when she began to beg someone "_don't play B-17_."  Now he just had to ask her to stop singing without hurting her feelings.  Lately everything hurt her feelings.  He considered saying that he had a headache but then they'd have to sit in silence for the remainder of the trip or she would tell him that soft music would sooth it and put on her classical CD.  He could tell her that his CD player wasn't used to this 1970's crap and it may cause permanent damage, but he didn't think that would go over too well.  How about accidentally hitting the button and shutting it off, or perhaps he could just lower it down and say he wanted to talk to her about something important.  Ooooh, he thought, that's a good one.  Then he could just lower it down until it was at that bug out stage.  When you can't make out what song is playing, but you know that there's music on in the background.  As he leaned in to lower the song down he hit a bump in the road and heard Jamie's cry of pain.

"Ow!!"

"Oh geez baby!  Did I hurt you?"  

"Well not exactly.  It was that pothole that did it."

Both of Landon's hands were on the wheel now, Olivia Newton John forgotten.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't see it in the road."

"That's okay.  The baby just bounced on my bladder but I'll survive."

"Good," Landon picked up Jamie's hand and brought it to his lips to place a kiss upon her knuckles.  Then he laid it upon his thigh as he continued to drive.  Within seconds Jamie started singing again and Landon's eyes grew wide as he was tortured with yet another song from a decade that should have been forgotten.  

"_Let me be there in your mornin'.  Let me be there in your night_."  

Well, he thought, he couldn't lower the music down now because then he'd have to let go of Jamie's hand, and that felt too good.  This song wasn't that bad.  It was a bit more upbeat than the others and…and… oh who was he kidding.  It sucked.  Landon took a deep breath and tried to think of other things as Jamie performed her little show in the passenger's side of the car.  His mind roamed back to their conversation they had a few nights earlier.  He wondered if they would get lost in the world of parenting when the baby came along.  He supposed that they would for a little while, but eventually they would go back to their playful selves again.  

Since the pregnancy Jamie was quite flirtatious and a bit on the adventurous side when it came to… 

"_Xaaaaaaaaaaaanaduuuuu_…" Jamie bellowed.

"What the hell????"  Landon couldn't help his response.  He had never heard the song before and prayed to all that is good and holy that he'd never hear it again.  

"What's wrong?"  Jamie paused for a moment and looked at Landon with a dumbfounded expression.

"Oh baby please…please…" he trailed off not knowing how to tell her that he couldn't stand this music anymore.  "I love you baby and you know that I would never try to…  It's just that this…"  That's when it came to him.  "Number forty-two."  He looked at her with raised eyebrows and a hopeful expression in his eyes.

Jamie's giggle started to bubble up in her throat and spilled out in a boisterous belly laugh.  "Oh Landon…"

"Well I'm glad you're getting a kick out of this, but baby if I hear one more Olivia Fig Newton song I'm gonna take a hostage."

She tried to control her laughter, but couldn't quite do it.  "I…pfffft…I was…pfffffffft…pffffffffffft…wondering how…hee heee heee… how long it would taaaa…taaaaa…." Her laughter erupted once again as Landon's expression said, he finally caught on.

"You.  You… I can't believe it.  You…" He made a lame attempt to glare at her from the corner of his eyes but to no avail.  "You knew I couldn't stand this stuff and yet you still sang it at the top of your lungs???"  It wasn't long before his laughter joined her in a harmonious duo.  He couldn't believe this wife of his at times.  He knew she had a good sense of humor, but this was probably one of the better jokes she played on him.  

"Oh," she sighed, "I wasn't sure how long I could continue to sing along with her without cracking up.  I thought for sure you would lose it during 'Please Mister Please' or that song from Grease."

"Yeah well I was being polite."  

"Polite?"

"Well yeah.  I mean I considered asking you to shut it off, but I wasn't sure how you would take it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she smiled knowing the answer already but enjoying the sight of him squirming in the seat next to her.

"It's just that…uh…well…sometimes you get a little…ummm…. I mean I'm sure it's the hormones, but sometimes you get a little…emotional." He took a deep breath and held it waiting for her response.

"What does emotional mean?"  Oh, she thought, this is even more entertaining than torturing him with sappy love songs.

"Well I mean… emotional you know."

"No.  I don't know.  Explain it to me."  She sat back and crossed her arms, staring, waiting.

Uh oh, he thought.  "It's just that at times you get a little sad.  I mean more than usual."

"Mmmm hmmm…" she nodded while tilting her head to the side.

"And sometimes you get kind of… well…"

"Well?" she asked.

He took a deep breath and said it.  "Grouchy."

"Grouchy???"  Her hands dropped onto her lap as she asked him, "You think I'm grouchy??"

"NO!  No.  I didn't say you WERE grouchy.  I just said that sometimes you can get a little…uh…"

"Grouchy?"

"Well…uhhhh…."  He stared straight ahead as though the road had transfixed him.

She started to laugh again and said, "Oh Landon.  You're such an easy target lately."

"Hey," he chuckled.  "I resent that."

"Oh honey," she adjusted herself in her seat and leaned her head against his shoulder.  It was a stretch, but it was worth it.  "I was just teasing you."

"Yeah…uh… I know."  He didn't know, but he was grateful that she was in such a lighthearted mood today.  He had thought that the trip to his father's would be too much on her, but she seemed to be fairing well.  "So uh baby?"

"Yeah." She sat upright, placing a hand against her bulging stomach.

"Can we please shut this shi…stuff off?"  His mischievous look, and the wink of his eye, told her that his flub of words had been intentional.  

She giggled a lighthearted, "Yes." Then closed her eyes for the remainder of the trip.

~ ~ ~ 

Worth Carter opened up his front door and watched as his son pulled up to the curb.  His excitement was bubbling up from deep within to see his son and his daughter in law.  He walked briskly towards the Camaro, opening the passenger side door for Jamie.  He watched as she fumbled with the seatbelt and then held his arms wide open to hug her.  Once she had freed herself from the confines of the contraption he began to greet her,  "Jamieeee…ugh."  

She hadn't meant to push him out of her way, but she had to use the facilities and she couldn't wait.  She rushed past Landon's stepmother and practically jumped the front steps to make her way through their living room, down the hall, to the left… AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

She emerged minutes later with a look of relief on her face and apologized to her father in law for being so rude.  "I was just in a bit of a hurry," she blushed.

"It's okay.  I remember what it was like when Landon's mother was pregnant with him.  We couldn't go anywhere because we had to pull over every ten minutes so she could use the bathroom.  It seems Landon liked to use his mother's bladder as a trampoline."

They all laughed before resigning to the back of the house.  They spoke of inconsequential things such as the weather, and the rising cost of gasoline.  They drank iced tea and had a pleasant lunch before they turned to the reason they went there to begin with.

"So Landon, I was a bit surprised when you asked if you and Jamie could stop by after church today.  To what do we owe this honor?"

"Well…" Landon reached over and took hold of Jamie's hand.  He looked at her as she smiled a soft and reassuring smile.  "Jamie and I would like to ask you to be in the room when we deliver."

"Well of course.  I wouldn't miss it for the world."  Worth was thrilled that they had asked him to share in that joyous day, but he had never expected them to ask him the next question.

"We thought it would be great if the baby's Godfather would be there to greet her on her big day.  You will be the baby's Godfather won't you dad?"

"Godfather?"

"Yup."

"Uh huh." Jamie and Landon replied in unison.

"Of…of course."  Worth sat for a moment as the tears began to well up in his eyes.  Taking a deep breath he thumbed away a few loose teardrops and said, "I would be honored.  Truly honored."

"We were hoping you'd say that dad."  Landon and Jamie smiled brilliantly as they watched Worth try to collect himself.

"We're thrilled that you said yes." Jamie threw in.  

"Why wouldn't I say yes?" Worth said with a humorous tone to his voice.  "Unless of course this child of yours turns out to be as much trouble as this boy of mine."  He put his hand in Landon's hair and ruffled it a bit.  

"Gee thanks dad," Landon chuckled.

"Landon do you remember that time you wanted to wear my tie to school?"

Landon ducked his head down, obviously remembering the incident as his father continued.

"You had insisted on dressing up like me because I was a grown up and you thought that…" he continued to tell tales about Landon's childhood until late in the afternoon.  

Jamie enjoyed moments like this.  Quiet afternoons in the warm sunshine.  Reminiscing, laughing… it was moments like this that made her grateful for her anonymous bone marrow donor.  She often wondered about the person that gave her the gift of life.  Did that person know just how much that gift meant to her and her family?  She rubbed her stomach, reveling in the feel of her unborn child, and smiled.  She wished she could thank that person.  She wanted to tell her…him… thank you.  Thank you for this precious gift.  If not for you this life would cease to exist.  My child would never be.  I would never be.  Would Landon be all right in a world without her?  Thank God she would never have to find out.  

"Mr. Carter?"  Jamie interrupted their conversation about Landon walking out of the bathroom wrapped up like a mummy in a roll of toilet paper.  "I was wondering… would you happen to know how I can locate the person that donated the bone marrow to me?"

"What?" Landon looked perplexed.  "Why on earth would you want to do that?"  He asked.

"Because I want to thank them."

"Jamie," he sighed.  "I'm sure they're aware that you're grateful."  If it were up to Landon he would never open up that chapter of their lives again.  As far as he was concerned Jamie got her miracle and so did he.  So why look back?

"Landon, this person…" she knew that he didn't like to talk about how close they had come to her dying, but suddenly it was important for her to find this mystery donor.  "This person," she said softly, "saved our lives.  This person gave us this life." She laid her hand on her stomach and continued.  "Don't you ever wonder about this person?  Don't you ever want to say thank you?"

"I do say thank you Jamie.  Every night I thank God for granting us this miracle."

"Oh but Landon, it was more than just God granting us a miracle.  Somewhere out there, is a person that…" her head dropped back as she forced back the tears.  "This baby isn't just you and me Landon.  It's you, this stranger and me.  This wonderful, blessed stranger and I want…no… I need to know who this person is.  More than that I want to show this person that not only will my life go on, but other lives will be created because of their donation."  She sniffed and pulled Landon's hand onto her stomach.  "Feel that?"  The baby was turning summersaults in her abdomen.  "Do you feel that life?"

Landon's throat closed as their child drummed a steady beat against the palm of his hand.

"Landon," Jamie spoke softly.  "I know it's hard for you to go back to that time in our lives, but… Don't you see?  I need to.  I need to close this part of my life otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life wondering."

"Wondering what?"  

"Wondering if they're wondering about me.  Wondering if they know that their gift wasn't in vain."

He sat for a moment trying to collect his thoughts.  Looking up to his father for help, he realized that he was alone in the notion that, that portion of their lives should be left in the past.

"Don't look at me son.  I think it's a great idea."

"You would," he smirked.  After a moment he finally succumbed saying, "Fine.  Lets try to find this person."

"Ahhhhh," Jamie squealed in delight and jumped up to hug her husband.  "Oh thank you Landon.  Thank you."  She began placing kisses against his forehead, his cheeks then a loud smacking one on his lips.  "Thank you," she whispered softly against his lips.

Landon didn't know if this was wise.  If going back to that painful time in their lives would be smart, but it was too late.  He had agreed and already he was regretting it.  Maybe, he thought, this will put an end to the nightmares.  Next week, he thought, next week the reverend and I will have a long talk and we'll get to the bottom of all of this.  

"Jamie?"  

"Yes."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"  He asked her once more, hoping that she would put the worst part of their lives behind them once and for all.

"I need to do this Landon, but I'll only do it if you're by my side."

He swallowed and said, "I'll always be by your side."  


	5. Dinner and a Meeting

Dinner and a meeting

By: Jamie Sommers

Email:  Jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

Rating:  P/G 13

Synopsis:  Jamie's pregnant and wants to find her bone marrow donor before she gives birth.

Dinner And  A Meeting

Jamie Carter stared at reflection in the bathroom mirror.  Looking at her profile, she trailed her fingers over her protruding navel and then up between cleavage.  She faced the mirror head on and noticed her breasts immediately.  Her nipples had darkened quite a bit, and her breasts had grown two cup sizes.  She lifted the generous mounds, feeling the weight in the palms of her hands then gently laid them back down against her skin.  Her eyes moved slowly down her stomach noticing the dark line that was going from her pubic hair to her navel.  As she watched she noticed something move within her and she smiled.  "Hi honey."  She rubbed her stomach and continued to talk to the baby.  "How're you today?"  Turning away from the mirror she headed for the shower and set the water to a comfortable setting.  "I'm doing fine," she answered the baby as though it had asked about her health as well.  "I guess I'm a little worried about tonight, but other than that… I think it's all going to go very well."

Landon stood outside the bathroom and held back a laugh as he listened to Jamie's conversation with the baby.  

"I wonder what I should wear.  Maybe that cute outfit that daddy picked out for me last week at the mall?  But I don't have shoes to go with that.  Oh well.  I'll just wear my black ones."  

He smiled when she began to laugh.  

"You know a year ago the thought of not wearing something because I didn't have shoes to go with it would've never entered my mind.  Your father is such a bad influence on me."  

Landon's grin broke into a full smile.  

"Of course that's one of the things that drew me to him.  Did I ever tell you how your daddy and I fell in love?"

Landon crossed his arms and leaned up against the bathroom door listening to her tale.

"He and I grew up together you know?  Funny thing is we were never really friends, more like acquaintances.  He and I didn't really talk but we knew who the other was.  Anyway, one day when we were in high school your daddy and I volunteered to tutor kids less fortunate then us, on the weekends and I sat by him on the bus.  Next thing you know…we're talking."

Landon thought back to that day and remembered it in a slightly different light.  He didn't volunteer for anything.  He was told he was going to tutor and he definitely didn't talk to her on that bus ride home.  It was more like he was talking at her.

"We didn't have much in common back then other than both of us being in the school play, but that was enough.  He had the lead in it and asked me to help him run lines.  The next thing I knew I was in love."

Landon decided that this would be a good place to join her shower.  "I on the other hand was clueless and didn't realize that I had been bitten by the love bug until opening night of the play."

Jamie's smile lit up her face as Landon opened the shower's door to join her. "Oh Landon," she sighed.

He reached for the shampoo that she used, getting a strong whiff of coconut as he poured it into the palm of his hand.  "Turn around."  

She faced the falling water and let her head drop back enabling Landon to reach her entire scalp.

Landon rubbed the creamy shampoo into her hair and built it up into a rich lather.  "Now where were we?" He asked her about their story.  "Oh yeah… Daddy was a dolt."

Jamie laughed and said, "No you weren't. You were just…not very…observant."

"Now wait a minute... wasn't I the one that said I love you first?"

"Yes."

"Turn around," he ordered her gently.  "Rinse."

"But just because you said it first doesn't mean you realized it first." She ducked her head under the spray of the shower and reveled in the relaxing feel of the water.  

"Well honey," Landon said to the baby.  "I may not have realized it first, but I did say it first and that's gotta count for something."

Jamie chuckled and ran her hands over her face to get the water out of her eyes.  "My turn."

They switched places as Jamie performed the same task on Landon.  Washing his hair, then his body.  She picked up the bar of soap and opted to use her hands in lieu of the washcloth.  She ran her hands up and down his chest, his arms, and then his back.  She ran her hands over his buttocks then pushed his shoulder gently encouraging him to turn and face her.  She rubbed her soapy palms over his sleek chest and stepped closer to him.  "Landon," she whispered.  Her hands slid downwards until they reached the object of her desires. "I love you."

His arms wrapped around her body, pulling her as close as her stomach would allow her to go.  "I love you too."  He knew what she wanted but he also knew that in her current condition she wouldn't be able to do much in the shower so he suggested, "Why don't we finish up in here and then I can take you to bed."  His lips brushed against hers.

"We just woke up," she teased his rapidly growing erection with the tips of her soapy fingers.

"I won't tell if you don't."

They embraced one another completely.  Landon having to lean over her so as not to crush the baby.  Their lips meshed together, slipping and sliding under the spray of the mist.  It was Jamie that pulled back.  "Landon, lets hurry up.  I can't stand up much longer."

~***~

They sat in the restaurant, waiting patiently.  Jamie's eyes never leaving the hostess.  Silently praying that the next guest she brought into the dining room would be the one they had been waiting for.

Landon could sense her impatience and tried to take her mind off of it.  He told her before leaving the house that this would probably be a waste of time, but he didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.  He knew deep inside that the donor wouldn't show up.  He had had a nagging feeling about this whole situation since Jamie had brought it up and he couldn't put his finger on it, but something just wasn't right.  

"Landon?" Jamie turned with a somber expression on her face.  "Do you think God will ever answer my prayer?"

"Oh baby," Landon placed his hand over Jamie's and lifted it to his lips.  "Maybe God is answering your prayer.  It's just not the answer you want to hear."

"I don't believe that for one minute Landon.  I don't believe that God would do that to me."

"Jamie," Landon could feel his frustration building within.  "He gave you cancer, so why wouldn't he do this?"  He regretted saying it before the last word even left his mouth.

Jamie pulled her limp fingers from Landon's hand and turned away from him.  She swallowed, in an attempt to regain her composure, and then spoke in a hushed tone.  "He also gave me the cure Landon.  He gave us the cure."

"I know Jamie.  I know.  And I'm sorry I said that it's just…"

"Just what?  I believe in Him Landon. And I believe that He will not let us down."

"Who says He's letting us down by not revealing who donated the bone marrow to you?"  Landon didn't want to start an argument, but he couldn't explain his frustration with this entire situation.  "Maybe…" he could hear his voice growing louder and cleared his throat before continuing in a softer tone.  "Maybe God is answering your prayer Jamie, and the answer is no."

"I told you, I don't believe that."  Jamie didn't want to argue and she certainly didn't think that the middle of the restaurant was the place to start a fight either, but she felt strongly about this topic.  She had her beliefs and she wasn't going to let anyone, not even her own husband, try to get her to believe anything else.  "Why are you so adamant about me not meeting this person?"

"I'm not adamant."

"Well you could've fooled me Landon." Her voice was starting to rise.

"If I didn't want you to meet this person then I would've told you when you first came up with this crazy idea that I didn't want you to do it."

"Landon, you did say that."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."  

"And tell me… what, exactly, did I say?"  Landon's voice was thick with frustration.

Jamie stared at him with a befuddled look on her face, "I don't want to do this." She placed her napkin on the table and motioned for the waiter.  "I'm not going to sit here and argue with you."

"Yes ma'am," the waiter asked when he reached the table's edge.  "Are you ready to order?" The word 'finally' was implied, but not said.

"No.  We're leaving.  Can we get the check please?" Jamie asked in a timid tone.

The waiter nodded and turned to leave just as a familiar voice sounded.  "Jamie?  Landon?"

They both turned to see Tracey and Dean standing behind them.  

"Hi."

"Hey," the both said in unison.  

"What are you doing here?" Landon stood up and grasped Dean's hand in a firm handshake, patting him on the back with the other.

Jamie stood up and said an awkward hello to Tracey; they really hadn't kept in touch with one another.  They had spoken a few times after Landon's old group of friend's found out about her leukemia, but when she got really sick, Tracey and Dean just stopped coming around.  Jamie was certain that Tracey never really liked her, merely tolerated her, but now that they were out of high school there was no real reason to continue the facade.  

"How are you Jamie?"  Tracey asked with a blank expression on her face.

"I'm fine thanks." She answered.  "You?"

"Good."

Landon could feel the uneasy tension between them and thought he'd try to break it.  "Listen, our dinner guest is a no show; you guys want to join us?"

"Yeah," Dean answered for himself and Tracey.  "That'd be cool."

They all sat down while Landon continued making conversation.  "So what brings you two out here?"

"Well, it's a funny thing you asked.  See Tracey …" Dean began.

"I wanted to go somewhere nice for a change," Tracey interrupted.  "A girl gets tired of going to the same places all the time."  She turned and glared at Dean as though saying, we don't need to tell everyone everything about our lives.

The two men talked back and forth with one another quite easily, but Jamie and Tracey just couldn't seem to find a happy medium.  Jamie started to talk about programs at church that she was currently working on and Tracey talked about the party her and Dean went to the night before.  Jamie spoke of the baby's growth and the excitement of becoming a mother. Tracey said she wasn't going to be tied down to kids for a long time.  By the end of the evening the two women ceased conversing directly with one another.  

Dean had tried to bring Jamie and Tracey into his and Landon's conversation just as often as Landon had tried, but to no avail. 

Jamie was disappointed about her bone marrow donor not showing up and she couldn't hide that disappointment.  "Excuse me."  She stood up and walked to the restroom.

"Hey dude," Dean asked Landon.  "What's up with the missus?  She seems really down."

Landon's head dropped.  "Long story man.  Long story." 

Dean sensed Landon's apprehension and quickly changed the topic.  "So…where the hell have you been man??"

"Whatta ya mean?"  

"I mean it's like you two fell off the face of the earth." 

"US?" Landon asked with a chuckle.  "Don't you mean you two fell off the face of the earth?"

Dean's grin told Landon that he was slightly embarrassed about neglecting their friendship.  "I guess we've both been slacking in the friendship department."

Jamie returned to the table and glanced at Tracey, making one last attempt at a conversation.  "Tracey, what have you been doing with yourself lately?  Are you working?"

"If you can call it that," Tracey said with a sarcastic tone in her voice.

Dean noticed Tracey's cool tone and interrupted.  "Hey.  Listen.  Tracey and I have been meaning to call you two and tell you, but you know how it is…"

"What's up buddy?"  Landon asked.

"We're getting married."

"Oh that's great Dean.  Tracey," Jamie said.  "I'm sure you two will be very happy."

"Yeah," Tracey glared at Dean once again then said, "I'm tired.  Let's go."  She stood up and walked towards the door without waiting for Dean to follow.

Dean's head hung briefly, and then lifted.  "I'm sorry guys.  She's been a bit upset lately.  She applied for this job she really wanted and didn't get it so…"

Jamie immediately felt guilty for bringing up the topic and asked Dean to apologize to Tracey for her.

The night ended with an uneasy feeling left between the two couples. 

On the drive home Landon wasn't sure how to broach the subject of their fight in the restaurant so he mentioned how nice it was to spend time with their old high school friends.  "They look good don't they?"

"Yeah.  I guess."  Jamie replied nonchalantly.  

"I think it was great being able to have a night out like that.  We should do it more often.  Once the baby comes…" his sentence was left unspoken.

"Sure."  Jamie looked out the window at the passing trees and turned to Landon.  She had been debating back and forth whether or not she should bring up the whole disagreement they had earlier and finally thought she should say something.  It's never good to leave things like this unsaid, she reasoned with herself.  "I'm sorry we argued earlier."

"Me too baby."  Landon's smile of relief lit up his face.  "I hate it when we fight."

"Well it wasn't exactly a fight, more like a disagreement."  Jamie reached out and grabbed Landon's hand.  "And I don't like it either."

"You know… I think this whole becoming a parent thing is getting to us."

"Maybe you're right, but I don't think that's it." Jamie said.  "I think you're just having a problem with reliving my cancer."

Landon gulped when he heard the nasty "C" word.  "Maybe."  It was hard for him and he knew it, but was he really that scared?  Did he really fear the cancer that much?

"It's not going to come back you know.  It won't ever hurt us again.  I know it won't." Jamie consoled.

"But how?"  Landon pulled the car up to the curb in front of their house.  "How do you know?"

"Because I do." Jamie reassured him.  "I just do."  She smiled and rested her head against the headrest of the car's seat.  She rubbed her hand over her stomach and looked at Landon's profile.  "There's simply too much to live for."

~***~

"I cannot believe you!" Tracey admonished Dean the minute they got into their car.

"ME??" He yelled.  "I can't believe YOU."

"What the hell did I do?" 

"Well you were pretty fucking rude to Jamie."  Dean screamed at her, "You know she was just trying to be polite and you get up and leave??"

"Polite," Tracey blew out a frustrated breath.  "Riiiiiiight.  Mrs. Jamie Carter.  Mrs. Polite.  Mrs. Sweet-as-fucking-pie."  

"Knock it off Tracey." Dean said with a low growl in his voice.  "She's a nice person and you don't have to act like that towards her."

"Why not?"

"Why do you hate her so much?"  He asked.

"I don't hate her.  I just… can't stand her."  She turned her face and scowled out the window.

"Well you sure do act like you hate her."

"I don't give one shit about Jamie Carter.  Never have.  Never will."

Dean sighed and shook his head.  "Well, you better get over it because I want Landon to be my best man."

"What?" She turned quickly towards him.  "You two haven't talked in almost a year and suddenly he's your best man??"

"It's not MY fault we haven't talked." He pulled the car to a screeching halt in the middle of the road.  "Let's get this straight right now." His face got closer to hers as he attempted to hold his temper in check.  "I am not the one that blew off our friends."

"They're not our friends!  She was never my friend!"

"Then why the fuck did you donate your bone marrow to her???"

~***~


	6. Dinner and the Hospital

Dinner And The Hospital

By: Jamie Sommers

Email:  jamiesommers23@hotmail.com

Rated:  PG-13

Date: 12-28-03

Synopsis: With the baby's birth coming near, Jamie is determined to find out who donated the bone marrow that saved her life.  

Dinner And The Hospital

They argued for two hours; he was certain that she was just a bitch and she was positive that he was an idiot.  

"Listen Trace," Dean took a deep breath and released it slowly.  "We can't keep doing this.  We're either going to figure this out and get married or we're going to let this consume us and go our separate ways."  He pushed his hands deep into his pants pockets and hoped for the best.  "Personally I'd like to work it through.  I…I love you Trace and I want to be with you, but I can't keep doing this." The tone in his voice was soft and comforting.  Something unusual for Dean.  "Guess it's up to you now."

Tracey listened to his plea and felt her heart break as she said, "Then I guess we go our separate ways."  She couldn't look at him.  She knew she was breaking his heart but she had no choice.  What good was she?  Why would he want to be with her?  She was damaged goods now.  "I'm sorry Dean." She walked out of their apartment without looking back.  

~ ~ ~ 

"Landon?  Did you get the drill from downstairs?"  Jamie asked as she lifted the pastel colored mobile to attach it above the baby's crib.  "We're going to need it for the changing table."

"Right," Landon slapped his hands against his denim clad thighs and said, "Drill.  Be right back."

Jamie's belly was getting rounder and such getting in her way more and more often.  She attempted once more to lean over the crib and attach the mobile to the wall mounting above the infant's bed, but her protruding belly continued to be a hindrance.  "Well for goodness sake," she softly complained.  "This is unbelievable."  She stretched her fingers and came within an inch of the wall attachment's bracket. Giving up for the moment, she stepped back on her haunches and said to her belly, "Okay, you've really gotta give me a helping hand here.  Now how am I supposed to put up this beautiful angel mobile that Grandma bought you if you won't let me hang it?"  She tiptoed and tried again, but to no avail.  The bracket seemed to be just out of reach.  "Come on honey," she said softly to the baby.  "Just move down a little so mommy can reach this."  She tried to rub her hands over her belly and gently maneuver the baby's position then stood up on her toes one last time.  She stretched until she felt the burning sensation of her muscles pulling in her legs and under her arm.  "Juuuuuust a liiiiiiiiittle close….ugh!"  The mobile crashed to the ground as Jamie dropped to her knees in pain.

"Jamie!!!"  Landon dropped the drill and ran towards his wife.  His arms were around her in a matter of seconds.  "Jamie??  Jamie??"  He continued to call out to her but he could see that all too familiar glaze come over her eyes: the look of her losing consciousness.  

"Please God… please." He begged silently.  "Don't take her from me."  Her eyes were closed and her breath shallow as Landon laid her gently back on the carpeting.  Rushing towards the phone he picked it up and dialed 911.

~ ~ ~

Jamie's eyelids felt heavy as she tried to open them.  She looked around the room and closed her eyes, then opened them again trying to focus on her surroundings.  "Where…" she choked and swallowed.  

Landon's mother jumped out of her seat and ran to the edge of Jamie's bed.  "Shhhh, sweetheart.  Shhh.  I'll go get Landon.  Don't move."  She hurried out the door to find Landon speaking with the doctor next to the nurse's station.  "She's awake.  She's awake."

Landon rushed into her hospital room and stopped dead in his tracks.  He stared at her and in a rush of air he said, "Oh God baby you scared the shit out of me."

"Lan.."  Jamie's throat was dry as she tried to speak.  "Qu..quit…swe…swearing."

Landon let a burst of laughter out and said, "Sorry babe.  I didn't mean it." He captured her hand in his own and brought it to his lips.  "I just got so frightened."  

She swallowed and nodded her head as if saying, I know.  Closing her eyes she shook her head back and forth trying to clear the fuzzies away.  "I..." she cleared her throat.  "What happened?" she whispered.

Landon stepped back as the doctor and nurses starting working on his wife.  "You passed out."

"From what?" Jamie asked.  Her throat had started to feel lubricated again.

"Well Jamie," her doctor said.  "We're going to figure that out." She walked over to the fetal monitor and ripped the paper off that had been leaving a printed trail of the baby's heartbeat.  "At first I thought it was just a side effect of being pregnant, but most women wake up within twenty minutes or so.  They usually don't stay unconscious for three hours."

"Three hours?" Jamie tried to sit upright, but the nurse held her shoulders down and said, "Not too quick.  We wouldn't want you to get lightheaded."  

"Landon?" Jamie looked at her husband, then at her mother in law and her father.  "Please?  Someone tell me what's going on."

~ ~ ~ 

It had been almost two weeks since Tracey had left Dean and it still felt as if she had just slammed the door on him.  He often wondered if there was something he could've done to prevent all of this from happening.  Could he have been a little nicer?  A little more patient?  He thought back to all the times he yelled at her, pushed her… "God Dean no wonder she left your ass."  

This had been his routine since the day she left.  He'd wake up and notice her side of the bed was empty, then he'd replay all of the horrible moments of their relationship in his mind, and he'd end it by saying something disparaging to himself.  Today was no different, until the phone rang.

"May I speak with Tracey please?"

"She's not here." He said forlornly.  "Who is this?"

"Is this her fiancé?" the strange voice on the other end of the phone said.

Without thinking he said, "Yeah it is."

"This is Good Samaritan hospital in Raleigh.  Can you please tell Tracey that her results came back and that the doctor will need to see her immediately?  He's got an appointment open tomorrow at 11am if that's convenient for you two?"

"Uh… sure."  Dean was at a loss for words.  "I'll…I mean, we'll be there."  He hung up the phone and jumped into the shower.  He was going to find Tracey and get to the bottom of this.

Tracey's mother Caroline was putting up laundry on a makeshift clothesline just as she noticed Dean walking towards her.  She glared at him as though he had done something wrong, and then screamed towards the house, "Tracey!! Your…Dean is here!"  Caroline dropped the wet shirt she was holding into the laundry basket and met Dean in the middle of the yard.  "Hello Dean." 

Dean couldn't help but think, 'why are you looking at ME like this?  She's the one that left.  Not me.'  "Hello Caroline.  How're you doing?"  He was trying to be on his best behavior.  Caroline had demanded respect with her quiet authority and her pleasant, yet down to earth ways, so Dean never acted towards her the way he did towards others.  "It's been a long time ..."

"Yes it has." She paused before saying, "I've called to Tracey.  With any luck she'll pull her head out of her ass and come out here and talk to you."  

Dean couldn't help but laugh.  "Her head out of her ass?" he asked innocently.  

"Oh come on now Dean.  You're not going to tell me that you're not thinking the same thing, are you?  That girl's a darn fool."  Caroline started to walk back to her laundry.  "Come on and give me a hand with this stuff before it gets all wrinkled."  

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when she started to treat him as she had in the past, but he couldn't help but wonder what that look was for when she had first seen him, so he decided to ask.  "Caroline.  Why…I mean…if you think that Tracey's acting like, and I'm quoting here, a darn fool, then why'd ya look at me like you thought it was my fault?"

Caroline tilted her head to the side and sighed, "Because it took you two weeks to smarten up and come after my girl.  Besides," she bent down and retrieved another item of clothing before slapping it into the air and saying, "I'm supposed to be on her side.  I'm her mother.  Now that doesn't mean that I'm not a realist and I don't know when my girl is making a mistake, but I'll support her no matter what her choice is."  She hung up a pair of jeans and turned to Dean who was putting a pair of socks on the line a few feet away.  "Even if that means saying goodbye to you, Dean."

"Let's hope it doesn't go that far."

"Dean she's living with me and not her fiancé.  I'd say it's already reached that point wouldn't you?"  Caroline turned the empty laundry basket over and started to walk towards her back door.  Stopping as she reached the entrance she turned to Dean and said, "Well??? You coming in or you gonna stay out here all afternoon and wait for that stubborn girl to come to her senses? Because if you're gonna wait… lets just say, you could be old and gray before she comes out of that room."

Dean's lips lifted in a half hearted grin as he accepted her invitation.  He really didn't have a choice.  If he was going to make it to that doctor's appointment on time in Raleigh he needed to convince Tracey to take a ride with him within the next fifteen minutes. 

When he had gotten the phone call yesterday he was determined to find out from Tracey what was going on, but then he realized that she'd probably shut the door in his face and go to the appointment on her own, if at all.  So he decided to convince her to take a ride with him today and tell her that he just wanted to talk.  To find out what she wanted to do with the things that they had bought together… anything.  He just had to get her into that car and once he did, he'd head over to Raleigh.  Now all he had to do was to get Tracey to take the lock off of her bedroom door and talk to him.

~ ~ ~ 

"What is this slop they call food?  Okay I'll admit the jell-o is pretty good, but the rest of this…"  Landon had been trying to raise Jamie's spirits ever since the doctor had broken the news to her yesterday, but nothing was working.  She had just lay in bed and kept to herself.  Landon was getting very concerned about her mental well being, not just her physical one.  Before when she had been diagnosed with cancer she had dealt with it.  She lived her life with gusto, but now… "Jamie?" Landon spoke softly.  "The doctor didn't say it was definite.  She said she wanted to run some tests to rule it out.  That's a big difference."

"No.  No it's not Landon."  Jamie wiped a tear away from her eye.  "If I had known that God was going to take me away from my baby I would've never had it.  Never."  She cried.  "I know what it's like to live your life without a parent…without a mother.  I didn't want that for my baby.  I wanted to give it everything I never had."

"No one said that you weren't going to be here for this baby!  No one!"  Landon countered.

"But…but…" Jamie's tears were streaming down her face.  "I can't do this again Landon.  I can't."  

He pushed the cart with her food on it out of the way and took her in his arms.  His tears began to join hers.  "I know baby.  I know.  But we'll make it through no matter what."  He placed a light, healing kiss on her lips then held her close to him again.  "Please baby… Please don't lose faith on me now.  Our baby needs your strength.  I need your strength" He pulled back and looked into her eyes, "I need you to believe Jamie."

She nodded and wiped her tears from her cheeks.  "Okay," she sniffed.  "We'll get through this, right?" She said with false hope.  

"Right," he agreed with as much delusiveness.

"God wouldn't let my child spend its life wondering about its mother.  I know He wouldn't."

"Nope.  He's just testing us to make sure we're ready for parenthood.  Wondering if we can handle scrapes and bruises when the baby gets older.  I mean… if this kid's anything like I was as a kid.  Whoooeeey.  We're gonna be spending an awful lot of time in the emergency room."  Landon winked then breathed a sigh of relief.  He had finally gotten Jamie to smile.  

"Forgive me Landon.  I never meant to lose hope.  It's just that sometimes it's hard keeping the faith."  She looked down at the floor, and then lifted up her eyes to meet Landon's.  "Even I'm not perfect you know?  Sometimes I get scared of the future."

"I know baby.  Sometimes I get scared too and God knows I'm faaaaaaaaar from perfect."

Jamie laughed and said, "You're telling me."

~ ~ ~ 

"Dean where the hell are you taking me?  I agreed to go on a short ride with you, not to leave the state."  Tracey bellowed from the passenger side seat.

"I'm just driving."

"Well drive the other way.  I wanna go home."

"Home?  HOME??"  Dean started to let his anger get the best of him.  "So when you say home do you mean our home? Or do you mean your mom's home?"

"We don't have a home anymore Dean.  Don't you get that?"

"No Trace.  I don't get that."  He took a deep breath as he pulled off of the highway and headed to the hospital.  "Trace, what happened to us?"  He made a left turn at the corner and followed the bright blue signs on the side of the street featuring the big "H."  

Tracey's heart began to pound when she recognized the area they were in.  "Dean," her voice started to sound shrill.  "Where the fu…"

"Don't Trace." He cut her off.  "Don't say anything." He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.  As he parked the car he turned towards her and said, "Your doctor's office called yesterday and said that your results came back.  Your doctor needs to see you right away."  

Tracey turned her head to look out her window, she couldn't face him. "I told them that I had a new number."

"What's going on Trace?  What tests did you take and why does this doctor have to see you right away?"

"Look Dean… would you mind waiting out here for me?"

"Mind?  Yeah I mind.  I want to know what's going on Tracey."  He reached over the car seat and placed his hand on her shoulder.  "You can trust me you know."

"I know," she sniffed.  "Oh Dean," she cried as she quickly turned into his arms.  "I…have cancer."

"What??" he shook his head and said again, "What?? What do you mean you have cancer?"

"I…I have…cancer."  She let her tears cleanse her of the past few months' pain

"Wait a second… Trace… calm down."  He stroked her hair and held her for a few minutes.  "Hey," he said softly.  "Your appointment is in couple of minutes. Why don't we go in there and see what he says okay?"

~ ~ ~ 

"The good news is… the tests came out negative.  You're still cancer free.  The bad news…" the doctor sighed.  "You have something called pre – eclampsia or toxemia."

"Is it serious," Landon asked.

"Yes, it can be.  Very serious.  However, with bed rest and following my explicit instructions, everything should be fine." The doctor reassured.

"Tell me," Jamie sat upright.  "What do I have to do?"

"Ahhh, that's the thing."  The doctor continued as she walked to the foot of the bed.  "Nothing.  Absolutely nothing."

"But you said…" Jamie looked confused.  "You said I had to follow your instructions."

"Yes I did." The doctor walked over to the side of Jamie's bed where Landon stood and looked back and forth between the two of them.  "I want you to do nothing.  No cooking, cleaning… nothing.  Just bed rest."

"How is that going to cure this toxemia?" Landon asked with a befuddled look upon his face.

"Toxemia is a form of chronic high blood pressure.  There aren't any medications that can be taken for it.  It's simply kept in control for the remainder of Jamie's pregnancy by not allowing her pressure to rise." The doctor walked around the bed and picked up Jamie's chart.  "What we're shooting for here is to get Jamie through her eighth month, and then we can deliver safely."

"Wait." Landon held up his hand and said, "Wait a minute here.  Are you telling me that she's going to have to stay in bed for the next two months?"

"Yes," the doctor replied.

"Even if I feel fine?"  Jamie asked.  "I mean…what if I'm feeling fine.  Not lightheaded or anything?"

The doctor's head was shaking back and forth, "No.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I've seen too many women lose their babies because they 'felt well enough' to do something.  You can't assume that because you're feeling better that you're toxemia is gone.  That's not how it works."  She placed the chart on the hook at the foot of Jamie's bed.  "I'll be to the point.  If you don't stay on complete bed rest then you'll lose this baby."

Jamie and Landon turned towards one another with looks of panic on their faces.

"This is not a disease to take lightly.  This is something very serious."

~ ~ ~

"Tracey."  Dean watched her doctor reach out to shake her hand then come towards him.  "You must be Dean."

"Yeah," Dean shook the doctor's outstretched hand and got right to the point.  "What's this about Trace having cancer?"

The doctor looked at Tracey and said, "Dean I'm not sure how much Tracey has informed you, but we've been doing some tests on her.  It seems that she's been feeling exceptionally tired, lifeless and having severe pain."  

Dean looked at Tracey as though she were a stranger.  He knew nothing of her being in pain.  Sure he could sense that she was feeling a bit sluggish lately, but who isn't.  Now that they weren't in high school anymore they had to fend for themselves.  They were both working a lot of overtime lately… or were they?  As much as dean wanted an answer he knew that this wasn't the time or the place.  He listened as the doctor continued.

"…when we did the biopsy, unfortunately it did unearth cancerous cells.  Tracey," the doctor walked up to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.  "We'll want to schedule this surgery right away.  There's no more postponing it okay?"  
  


"Postponing?" Dean questioned.  "Have you been putting this off?"  He looked at Tracey with a dumbfounded expression and could feel his anger building up inside.  He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep his temper under control.  First he finds out that she's been lying to him now she's pretty much been taking a chance with her life just so she wouldn't have to tell him the truth.  "How long have you known about this cancer Trace?"  He stood directly in front of her.  "How long Trace?"

Tracey lifted up her tear-streaked face and said, "About a month."

Dean took a deep breath and released it.  "Why…" he lifted his hand to his face and covered his mouth with his palm.  He squeezed his eyes closed and told himself, 'calm down man.  Calm down.'  "I'm just trying to figure this out.  You've known you've had cancer for a month and you didn't bother to tell me???"

"Dean." The doctor could sense that there was something brewing between the two of them but he also knew that this anger could also be displaced.  "I'm sure you're upset with Tracey but you must remember she was trying to come to terms with this herself.  As a cancer victim you go through certain stages…"

Dean listened to the doctor half-heartedly as he rambled about the different stages of cancer, its treatment and how he had to be supportive and understanding.  All Dean wanted to do at that very minute was punch the guy in the face and tell him to shut up.  "God damn it!!" Dean screamed out in the middle of the doctor's sentence.  "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" He knocked a container full of tongue depressors off of the counter then turned to yell some more.  "What is it with you?  Why can't you just trust me?  Why can't you just… just…" 

The doctor put his hand on Dean's shoulder and said, "Dean this is what I was speaking of when I discussed displaced anger."  

Tracey looked at Dean and then at the doctor and said, "No doc.  This is just Dean.  Welcome to my world."

~ ~ ~ 

"Seriously Landon," Jamie giggled as he situated the baby monitor on their nightstand.  "Can't I just scream for you when I need something?"  She closed her eyes and shook her head as her smile took over her face.  Her wonderful husband, she thought.  Is there nothing he doesn't think of?

"Nah baby.  You don't wanna scream.  Besides… why do that when we've got this really cool baby monitor?  I don't think the baby will mind.  It's not like he's using it or anything."

"Good point."  Jaime lifted her arms and made a come here motion with her hands.  

Landon bent down over Jamie and kissed her gently on the lips.  "Mmmmm, I love your lips," he murmured against her mouth.

"I love yours too."  

Their kiss deepened as Landon sat on the bed's edge.  He braced one arm on the edge of the bed then curled the other behind her, pulling her closer to him.  Jamie's fingers curled in his hair as she allowed his tongue to dance upon hers with gentle swirling motions.

Landon grunted as he pulled his lips away from hers.  "I'm going to really miss making love to you."

"I'm going to miss it too," Jamie said with a sorrowful smile.  "I already do."

"Well…"  Landon lifted himself up and stood at the bed's edge.  "Time to get this monitor fixed up.  Now where are the batteries?"

Jamie knew that he was trying his best to make her comfortable and to keep her as well as their baby safe.  She loved him for his efforts and thanked God for Landon's patience.  "I think they're in the kitchen drawer next to the fridge, but I'm not sure."

" 'kay.  I'll go look."  He took a deep breath and began to walk out the door.  As he reached the hallway he turned towards her and said, "I love you Jamie."

"I love you too Landon."  She smiled at him and thought back to the day that he first talked about his feelings for her.  They were in the cafeteria and he told her that he missed spending time with her.  When she called him on his bluff, it was she that got the shock of a lifetime.  He wasn't bluffing.  He really did want to be with her.  Enough to chase her out of the building and to confront her face to face.  

She rubbed her stomach and felt the baby move within her.  "Oh Landon, how I love you."

~ ~ ~ 

Dean sat in his car and kept telling himself that it would be fine.  Every thing was going to be fine.  The doctor scheduled surgery for Tracey the next day.  In the meantime Dean was going to pick up a few things for her and arrange for her to be off of work for an extended period of time.  After speaking with Tracey's boss he started on his way to her mom's house.  Tracey didn't want her to find out over the phone, but she wasn't able to go see her mom.  She fought with the doctor about going home that night.  "Why can't I just come back in the morning so I can tell my mom?" 

Dean had said that he'd tell her and here he was.  Sitting a block away from her house trying to figure out how to tell her that her daughter had cancer and had to undergo surgery in the morning?  He thought back to his reaction at the hospital.  How angry he'd gotten, but the doctor was right.  He wasn't angry with Tracey, he was upset with the fact that he might lose her.  He couldn't survive without her and he knew that now for certain.  He saw her face flashing before his eyes, 'welcome to my world.'  Was he really that much of a bastard?  Slamming on the steering wheel of his car he tried to let his mind go blank when suddenly it hit him.  There was someone that knew what he was going through.  There were two people that knew exactly what he was going through and maybe, just maybe they could help.  He started his car and headed towards Landon and Jamie's house.

~ ~ ~ 

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaahnnndon!!"  Jamie called out.  "Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn…oh.  There you are."  She smiled as she held the phone out to him.  "It's your dad."

Landon smiled as he took the receiver.  "Babe you really don't have to scream.  I can hear you with the monitor," he smacked the bulge in his shirt pocket and said, "Remember?"

"Oh," she squinted up her nose and said.  "I forgot.  Sorry."

Landon plopped down in a chair with the cordless phone and said into the receiver, "Hey pops what's up?"

"I think I've found Jamie's donor Landon."

"What???"  Landon sat upright in his chair and said, "Who?  When?  How?"  

"Whoa, calm down son.  I know you're excited but one thing at a time okay?"  Worth Carter chuckled into the phone and said, "You're not going to believe it when I tell you who it is."

"Why?  What's going on dad?  Who donated it?"  

"He found my donor?" Jamie sat up in bed and felt her heart rate increase with excitement.  

"He thinks so," Landon said to her as he listened to his dad tell him who her donor was.  Landon collapsed in his chair as he heard the news.  "There's no way…"

"What's going on Landon?"  Jamie was getting worried.

"Wait a second dad," Landon held the phone against his shirt and said, "Give me a second baby.  Let me finish up with my dad and I'll tell you what's going on."

Landon asked his father many questions and listened carefully to each answer.  He knew about the drive at the school.  How all the kids had gotten tested to see if their bone marrow matched Jamie's?  He knew she was on the national list but he never in a million years imagined that the answer to his prayers was living in Beaufort.  He hung up the phone and sat with Jamie on the bed.  Staring straight ahead he said in a dreamlike tone, "Tracey.  Tracey saved your life baby."

Jamie's eyes filled with tears.  She couldn't believe what she was hearing.  Tracey the girl that she could've sworn hated her with every fiber of her being, was the person that gave her life.  "I don't understand Landon.  How could we have not known?"

"I don't know baby."  He adjusted himself on the bed into a position that allowed Jamie to curl against him.  His legs stretched out next to hers he said, "Tracey…."

~ ~ ~ 

Dean knocked on the front door and waited for a moment then knocked again.  He could hear Landon calling out, "One minute."  A moment later the door opened.

"Hey man!"  Landon's heart was full of joy as he saw his friend standing in his doorway.  "We were just going to call you two."  Landon looked around Dean's form and said, "Where's Tracey?  Jamie would really like to see her."  He moved out of the doorway and said, "Come in.  Come in."  His excitement overwhelmed him.

"Tracey's not here man."  Dean walked into their living room and stood still.  "She's in the hospital."  

"What?"  Landon's joy suddenly deflated.  "What's wrong?  What happened?"  

"She's got cancer.  Can you believe it?  Cancer."  Dean no longer felt the desire to hit something.  Instead he collapsed onto a chair in the parlor and cried into his hands.  

Landon did what he could to comfort his friend.  He consoled Dean the way that Dean had consoled him not to long ago.  "It's a bitch isn't it?  Did they say what type it is?"

"Ovarian," Dean said with a gulp. 

"What are they doing for it?" Jamie asked at the top of the stairs.  

Both men looked up at her in surprise.  They hadn't realized that she had been listening to their conversation.  

"Jamie, you're not supposed to get out of bed."  Landon made his way up the stairs two at a time until he reached her.  Taking her shoulders in his hands he said gently, "Baby you're supposed to be lying down.  Come on."  He turned her towards their room and began to walk her back to bed.

"That explains it," Jamie whispered to Landon as he tucked her in.  "That night.  Do you remember that night that we were out at that restaurant?  We were supposed to be meeting my bone marrow donor and that's when Tracey and Dean showed up.  She was so upset with me that night Landon.  So upset."

"Shhhh," Landon comforted her.  "Baby, don't worry about that right now."  He stood up and placed a kiss on her forehead then leaned down and kissed her belly.  "Let me go back down with him and I promise I'll fill you in as soon as I can, okay?"

"Sure," she said with a sorrowful lilt in her voice.  "Give him my best Landon.  Tell him I'll pray for her."

~ ~ ~ 

They talked for over an hour about their life just over a year ago.  How everything was so carefree and they didn't have a worry in the world.  Waking up and going to school…the finals…the gossip…the flyers… none of it mattered anymore.  Sure it's what molded them into the adults that they were today, but it all seemed so trivial when they looked back at it.  

Dean thought about many different things before asking, "Landon?  Do you ever feel like it's your fault that Jamie was sick?"

Landon remembered when he had first found out about Jamie's illness and how he had told God that he was sorry for whatever he had done in his life, but to please don't take it out on Jamie. "Yeah man. I did. Funny part is that she was sick when we got together, but I still thought it was God's way of punishing me."

"Yeah," Dean sighed. "That's kind of how I feel." He stood up and paced around the room before confessing. "I've been a shitty boyfriend and an even worse fiancé." 

"Aww come on man. You're not THAT bad." 

"No Landon. You're wrong. I am that bad." Dean sniffled and walked to the sliding glass doors. Looking out he said, "I'm a son of a bitch to her man. I talk to her like shit and... Christ! I can't even count how many times I've pushed her or shoved her or..." Dean began thinking about all of the things that he'd done to her in the past and hung his head down.

Landon worried for a brief second before asking, "You've never hit her have you?"

"No, but I'm sure I would've eventually." Dean turned around and looked at Landon and said, "How'd you do it man? How'd you change?"

"Well," he toed at the ground and lifted his face to look at Dean. "If you ask Jamie, I was always like this, I just didn't know it. I on the other hand, think that it was her love that changed me." Landon walked towards Dean and stood next to him looking out the glass doors. "I remember once... I told my mom that Jamie had faith in me and that she made me want to be a better person." Landon turned to face Dean and said, "It's amazing what the love of a good woman can do for a guy." He grinned and placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Tracey sees something in you Dean, something that you just haven't seen for yourself yet. All you need to do now is look at yourself through her eyes."

"That's the thing Landon. I have been and what I see I don't like."

"No man. You're not listening to me. You aren't seeing what Tracey sees. You're looking at what you've been and what you've done." Landon was trying to explain this in a way that would help Dean look past his faults, but he wasn't sure if he knew how. After a moment he knew exactly what to say. "Dean. I've known you a long time and during that time I've seen a side of you that most people haven't." Landon looked up the stairs to make sure that Jamie wasn't in hearing range and said, "Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you haven't been a total asshole at times..."

"Gee thanks man," Dean interrupted. 

"But... if I had thought you were just a jerk than I wouldn't have continued being your friend. It's the same thing with Tracey. You can't honestly tell me that you've never done anything good for her."

"No. I've done good things I guess. But still..."

"That's it man. That's all you need to look at right now. Look at the good things that you've done for her. That's what she sees Dean. She sees that man that you really are. Now all you have to do is see it for yourself."

A crackling noise came from his pocket then Jamie's voice filtered through the baby monitor. "Landon?"

Dean looked at Landon with a half-hearted grin and said, "Go on up to her. I've got to let Tracey's mom know what's going on anyway."

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. I've just got a lot of thinking to do."

"Listen, tell Tracey that we're thinking of her. I'll call Eric and the gang and let them know so you won't have to. You've got enough to deal with."

"Thanks Landon." Dean walked towards the front door and turned to him, "For everything." 

"Anytime man." Landon grabbed Dean in a bear hug and said, "Anytime you need to talk I'm here."

Dean patted him on the back and said, "I'll call you after her surgery and let you know what happened."

Landon closed the door behind Dean and walked upstairs to Jamie. When he entered the room he found her bent over the toilet getting sick. "Baby? What's wrong?" He immediately pulled her hair back and started to rub her back.

Jamie sat back on her haunches and said, "Oh, it's just me being pregnant." She grinned up at him and said, "That's the funny thing about morning sickness. It never comes in the morning."

Landon chuckled a bit and helped to clean his wife up before tucking her back into bed. He curled up next to her.

Jamie rolled onto her side and pressed her belly up against Landon's. "Landon?" she asked.

"Yeah baby."

"I was thinking... I'd like to ask Tracey to be the baby's Godmother. What do you think?"

"I think that would be perfect."

"Me too," she sighed and closed her eyes. As she adjusted herself under the covers she said, "This is what God planned isn't it? Tracey gave me life and now we can share our baby's life with her." Jamie yawned and said groggily, "It was meant to be."

Landon kissed his wife on her forehead and watched her as she slept.

~~~

"Dean." The doctor called to him as he walked into the surgical waiting room.

"Doc!" Dean stood up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as the doctor moved closer to him. "Tracey's mom just went to grab a cup of coffee. She'll be right back. How's Tracey? Can I see her?" Dean rambled.

"She's in recovery right now. You'll be able to see her shortly." The doctor took a seat and said, "Sit down Dean."

Dean worried when he saw the doctor's expression. "How's Tracey?" He asked again.

"The surgery went well. We had to remove...."

Dean sat and listened as the doctor told him about the surgical procedure. The cancer was removed but they still wanted to do radiation as well as chemo therapy to assure that it wouldn't return. The doctor also confirmed Dean's worst fear. Tracey would never be able to have children. He could live his life without them. He was fine with that, but he knew from Tracey's reaction to seeing Jamie pregnant that she would have a hard time with it. 

"I'll check to see if the nurses have Tracey cleaned up so you can sit with her," the doctor said.

Dean walked into the recovery room and looked at his fiancé. He had decided that she was going to marry him no matter what. He loved her and she loved him and they would spend their lives together. He wasn't going to give her a choice about it either. Dean smiled as he looked at her freckled face in peaceful slumber. 

The nurse checked Tracey's IV then pulled up a chair for Dean to sit in. "She's resting now, but should wake up shortly."

"Thanks." Dean sat down next to Tracey's hospital bed and took her hand in his. He lifted it to his lips and placed a soft hiss on it, then laid it back down on the bed. "You're going to be alright babe. We're both going to be alright." He settled down in the chair and thought about Landon and Jamie and all that they had been through. "We've got a long life ahead of us you and I and we're going to make the most of it," he said with closed eyes. As he dozed off he placed his hand atop of Tracey's and whispered. "I love you."

Tracey felt his hand cover hers and his moist lips press against it. She wasn't sure if she had been dreaming or if it had been real, but she knew that it felt good. She heard Dean's voice in her head but her eyelids were too heavy to open. Tired. Tired, she thought. I'm so tired. Dean was whispering to her again this time she opened her eyes and looked over at him dozing on a chair. "I love you," he'd said. Tracey's lips lifted in a slight smile as she mouthed, "I love you too." She willed her hand to turn over and to clasp his.

Dean opened his eyes when he felt Tracey's hand move in his.  "Hi," he said softly.  

"Hi," she whispered back.    
  


"I've got something for you."  Dean put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the engagement ring he had gotten for Tracey when he first proposed to her, and then gently slipped it on her finger. "It's never coming off again," he said with quiet authority. 

Smiling at him she whispered, "No it's not."

They both knew that they had just taken the first step towards forever and nothing would ever come between them again.

~ ~ ~ 

"That's great Dean.  Really great," Landon held the phone away from his face and said to Jamie, "Tracey's doing fine.  She pulled through with no problems."  

Jamie smiled and said, "Give her my best."

Landon continued to talk to Dean for a few more minutes then hung up the phone.  "Well it sounds like the operation was a success.  It's hard to believe that she put it off for almost a month.  I sure am glad that it didn't spread any further."  Landon placed his hand on Jamie's belly and held it there.  Within a matter of minutes the baby started tapping at the spot where his hand lay.  

"The baby knows it's you."  Jamie ran a hand down Landon's face and cradled his cheek in the palm of her hand.  

"Ya think so?"  Landon's grin went from ear to ear as his child thumped continuously.  

"Mmmmm hmmmm," Jamie reassured.  

"How does the baby know where to hit?"  Landon was amazed that their child was only tapping the spot where his hand lay.

"The heat from the palm of your hand is radiating through and he senses that."

"It's amazing," Landon said in awe.  After a moment he told Jamie, "Dean says Tracey won't be able to have children."

"I figured that would happen." Jamie said forlornly.  "I wonder if she hadn't put it off, if maybe…" Jamie trailed.

"Yeah I know, but Dean says it would've happened no matter what.  The cancer had spread through both ovaries so…"  Landon thought for a moment then said, "I'm really glad you're going to ask her to be the baby's Godmother.  I think it will mean a lot to her."

"Well," Jamie sighed in utter content.  "I know it will mean a lot to me."  She placed her hand over Landon's on her stomach and said, "To all of us."


	7. Dinner and a Baby

**Dinner and a Baby**

**Dinner and a Baby**

By Jamie Sommers

Email: PG-13

Synopsis: Jamie and Landon are having a baby! It's about damn time.

Thanks to my dear friend, you know who you are. You have held my hand and lifted me up when I was at my lowest point, for that I will always be thankful. Not to mention you're a kick ass beta! Pookie you da man!

**Dinner and a Baby**

Landon could feel the rain seeping through the soles of his shoes as he ran from his car into the church. The door flew opened with a gust of wind causing it to bang against the wall.

"Landon!" Reverend Sullivan rushed down from his podium to greet him. "What are you doing here? There's a terrible storm…" The reverend's words froze in his throat as his worst fears suddenly hit him. "Is it Jamie? Is she alright?"

Landon stood in the entranceway dripping wet. Shaking his head to get some of the water off of his hair, he immediately eased the reverend's worries. "She's fine sir. I just needed to talk to you."

"Oh. Oh." Reverend Sullivan took a deep breath of relief and said, "Well you stay there and let me go get you something to dry off with. You must be freezing." He quickly went to the pantry of the church and grabbed some of the dish towels they had, along with a sweater he kept in his office. "It's not much, but it'll help warm you up," he said as he handed Landon the items. "Let me go make you something warm to drink while you get dried off."

Minutes later Landon joined the reverend in the church kitchen, "Sorry to scare you like that."

"Think nothing of it. It's just the way a father's mind works sometimes." Revered Sullivan chuckled and said, "You'll know what I'm talking about soon enough son." He paused then said, "I will admit I'm a little surprised to see you here, with Jamie being so far into her pregnancy and all."

"My mom is at home with her right now. It was kind of important that I speak with you sir."

"Well, take a seat," the reverend made a gesture to one of the chairs with his hand. Sitting down in the chair opposite of Landon he said, "What's on your mind Landon?"

"Sir, a few months ago you asked me to meet you so we could discuss Jamie's nightmares…"

"Yes, I remember that. I assumed when you didn't show up that it was no longer a concern for you." The reverend folded his hands on the table top and watched the expression on Landon's face change dramatically. "I take it that Jamie is still having some nightmares."

Landon gulped as he said, "Yes sir. I apologize for not being able to come that day. With Jamie's toxemia and this whole thing with Tracey, I kind of forgot about meeting you and then… well time just kind of got away from me."

"It's not a problem. We're both here now." He paused for a moment and said, "What's going on Landon? Why did you brave this storm to talk about some bad dreams my daughter is having?"

"Sir, I'm afraid that Jamie may be having nightmares about…about what happened to her mother during her own childbirth." It took a lot for Landon to say that, but he knew he needed to be up front with his father in law. "I was just hoping that maybe you could tell me…" Landon couldn't quite say what he was thinking. He had no idea how to ask this man about his wife's death without causing him an enormous amount of pain. "If maybe you could explain what happened to…ahem…" he cleared his throat and asked the remainder of the question with pleading eyes.

"You want to know the details of my wife's death?" Reverend Sullivan stood up and grabbed two mugs and filled them with the hot tea he had brewed for them. Handing Landon a cup he said, "Tell me, what Jamie has told you about it?"

"Not much sir. All I know is that she passed away during childbirth."

Just hearing the words caused reverend Sullivan a lot of pain. It had been two decades since his wife's death, but talking about it now felt like it was just yesterday that she left him. Taking a deep breath he began telling Landon about his late wife.

"She was a beautiful woman Jamie's mother. She was," he swallowed his tears then finished with; "She was the love of my life."

"We knew each other our whole lives. I was five years old when I told her father that I was going to marry her. He laughed at me and told me that he was certain I would make a good husband to her, but that I'd have to make sure I had a good job to take care of her and that I raised whatever children we had to be god-fearin.'" The reverend chuckled as his thoughts brought him back to an earlier time in his life. "I was determined to do just as he asked and as I grew older I realized that God was going to be a major part of my life. My wife and I went to this church our whole lives. Back then it wasn't more than just a little square building with some benches in it."

Landon looked around and said, "Wow. Are you serious?"

"Yup. This room here was being built as I took over the church. A few years later we were able to add on more of the rooms."

"Wow. I can't believe it. You really did a lot for this church."

"No Landon. Not me. It was Jamie's mother that did it." He smiled as he thought of his wife. "When I told her that I was going to dedicate my life to God, she told me that she knew I would be a wonderful leader and that she would do her very best to be a good example for the community. So while I was going to school she spent her days doing charity work for the church and for the town. It was her idea to start up a youth group. Now, she wasn't much older than the kids she started it for, but she was determined to make it a success. She went to the parishioners homes and spoke with the parents directly. She told them that it was important to bring God into their lives at a young age and that she was going to have a weekly gathering for them to keep the young folks in this town entertained and off the streets at night." He chuckled to himself as he recalled the night of the gathering. "That first meeting there was only four kids here. They really didn't know what to do so she thought it would be fun if they came up with ideas to better improve the church. That's how the idea of the pantry came up. One of the kids wanted a snack and she thought we needed some place to keep food. So every week these kids would get together and go to the local businesses trying to gather materials to build an addition to the church. After that the group of kids got larger and larger. They'd tell their friends about it in school and soon enough she had parents gathering in their own groups while the kids were gathering in theirs. She thought that they needed more room to get together so once again they went out looking for charitable donations to put up yet another addition. I graduated from school and was in awe at the work she had done with the parishioners. Once the kitchen was done, the volunteers quickly started adding on some of the other rooms. There was an office put in for me, the groom's room. Outside was the bridal suite… All of these rooms and the other additions were due to one woman's dream to build a church that her own children would be proud of. Needless to say, when we found out that we were expecting one of our own… well… there was a great celebration. It was a joyous occasion when we made the announcement in church that Sunday. People had really come together before, but now that she was expecting… it was a beautiful thing watching a community come together like that." Reverend Sullivan stood up and said, "Come on son. Let's take a walk." He led Landon through the building and into one of the rooms in the back of the church. It contained cribs, and children's toys. On the wall was a plague that read "In memory of Elizabeth Sullivan."

"The parishioners built this for my wife," he explained.

"I don't recall ever seeing this room before." Landon walked around the dark room and noticed a build up of dust on the window sill. "I had no idea it even existed."

"Not many do. There are those that remember and those that chose to forget."

"Geez," Landon said. "I thought that if the babies get too loud the mom's just go into the groom's room."

"Yes, they do… now, but there was a time when the plan was…" Reverend Sullivan walked to the crib and touched the mobile that hung above it. He cleared his throat and said, "This here was built for Jamie to lie in." He turned and looked at Landon with tears in his eyes and said, "She was supposed to be the first baby in this room and when my wife passed away no one had the heart to open these doors up. This room's been shut off ever since."

Reverend Sullivan wiped the dust on his fingers onto his pant leg and walked over to the rocking chair. He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined that his beautiful wife was rocking their little girl right that very moment and with a flash of lightning from the storm outside the thought vanished. He turned to Landon and said, "Come on. Let's go finish our tea."

They walked together to the kitchen and sat at the table in silence for several minutes.

"She died of a brain aneurysm and she never got to see our beautiful child." Reverend Sullivan hung his head down and quietly cried into the palms of his hands. "She never got to see what a wonderful woman Jamie grew up to be."

It tore Landon apart inside knowing that he opened up a terrible wound. "Sir, I'm so sorry." He laid his hand on the Reverend's shoulder and said, "I understand how you feel. When I thought I was going to lose Jamie I felt as though my life wasn't worth living."

The Reverend sniffled into his hands and wiped away his tears. Lifting his head up he said, "Yes Landon. If there's one person that would understand my pain, it would be you."

"Sir, maybe we should talk about this some other time?" Landon suggested.

"No. Don't be silly." Reverend Sullivan stood up and walked to the counter to grab some paper toweling. "Jamie knew that her mother never got to see her Landon. She knew that her mother died before getting to hold her." He turned and faced his son in law and said, "I suppose it's only natural that Jamie's afraid that the same thing will happen to her."

Landon walked slowly towards the Reverend and laid his hand upon his arm, "Thank you."

They sat for a while and spoke over another cup of tea, giving Landon time to dry off and helping him to get a little more insight into Jamie's dreams. After the rain died down they both decided to go home.

Standing outside of the dark church Landon turned to face his father in law and said once again, "I don't know how to thank you for sharing such a painful part of your life with me tonight." Landon nodded his farewell then stepped into his car and made his way home.

Reverend Sullivan stood there for a moment and thought about what Landon had said. 'A painful part of your life.' Was it, he thought to himself. Was remembering his beloved wife painful? He turned and looked at the church, its dark windows haunting his thoughts and he made a decision right then and there to end the pain. He got into his car and drove to the cemetery and walked to his wife's grave. Standing before her he said, "I'm sorry darling. I'm so sorry for not sharing the pleasure of you with others. I'm sorry for letting the pain of your death overshadow the joy of your life." He bent down as the rain stopped and cleared away some of the debris that had blown across her headstone. Laying his hand upon the top of it he said, "I'll do better Elizabeth. I promise."

She could feel the force of the baby's head trying to make its way out of her body. She longed to push and relieve herself of the terrible pressure, but it wasn't time yet. The doctor was across the room with another couple helping them prepare for the birth of their child. Jamie tried to call out, but something was wrong. She could feel it. There was something terribly strange about the pain she was feeling. Her body began to tingle as though her extremities were asleep. She turned her head over and saw Landon sleeping peacefully next to her. "Landon," she whispered. "Please wake up. Something's wrong." She watched as Landon rolled over and draped his arm over her in peaceful slumber. Jamie sighed, knowing that it would take a miracle to wake her husband up. Giving up on that thought, she tried once again to get the doctor's attention. "Excuse me," she said in a quiet tone, but nothing came out. The panic started to fill her throat. "Doctor!" She called out loudly, but still no sound would come out. The tingling in her body had turned to pain and the baby was coming. Jamie was sure of it. She began to get lightheaded, as though she were going to pass out, but forced her eyes to stay open, telling herself that she needed to stay focused. The baby needed her. She tried to wake Landon again, but her body couldn't move any longer. She immediately noticed the tubes that were going into her arm and realized that they must've given her some kind of drug to help her with the pain, but she could still feel everything. Everything. The medication wasn't working. Didn't anyone realize this? The drugs didn't cease the pain, instead it seem to prohibit the use of her basic bodily functions. She couldn't speak nor could she move. "Please…someone…" she gurgled. "Help me." She could no longer feel her baby coming out of her body, but noticed that the doctors and nurses were surrounding her. They were talking her through it. Landon was standing at her side now, and whispering in her ear, encouraging her to continue her pushing. Jamie felt relief, knowing that the baby would be taken care of and closed her eyes. Everyone around her was fading away. The baby had made its way out into the world, but she still didn't get to see it. Her mind was fading fast. It must've been from the drugs they gave me, she thought. Jamie forced her eyelids to open so that she could get one glance at the baby, but the newborn seemed to be surrounded by medical personnel. Landon was standing there taking pictures; the camera's flash looking like flashes of lightning in their little birthing room. Her father was smiling and watching along with Landon's parents. "Please…" Jamie tried once more before giving into the haze that was consuming her. "Please just let me see my baby…" Her eyes closed just as Landon lifted the infant out of the bassinette for Jamie to see. Jamie could hear the noises around her; the sound of the baby's crying, the loud beeps of the machines she was hooked up to and Landon crying out, begging her to stay with him. Of course she would stay with him. Where else would she go? The sounds were getting muffled now. Everyone was telling her to fight, but there was no fight left in her. She needed to rest now. She'd fight again another day.

"Jamie," Landon's mother shook her shoulder gently. "Jamie, dear wake up."

Jamie opened her eyes and noticed the noise from the storm outside and then saw the flashes of lightning. She tried to adjust her eyes to her surroundings as she heard a woman's voice speaking softly to her.

"Jamie, please wake up."

She finally realized that she was safe in her and Landon's bedroom and whispered to her mother in law. "I'm okay now. It was just a bad dream." She closed her eyes once again and drifted off to sleep and in the back of her mind she prayed that it would be peaceful slumber.

"Look Jamie, I'm not going to fight with you about this. The doctor said, no more traveling far distances. We need to stay as close to the hospital as we can and that's that." Landon continued to pack a suitcase with Jamie's belongings. "Now normally I wouldn't be so adamant about this, but…" he turned around and noticed the tears silently streaming down his wife's face. "Oh baby. Please don't cry." Landon ran quickly to her side and began wiping away her tears. "Please baby. Please don't cry. I can take just about anything, except your tears."

"I know but…" Jamie sniffled and tried her hardest to stop the tears from coming, but couldn't. "I just feel like I'm inconveniencing everyone. If I just stay here… I mean… it's not that much further than my father's house is and… and…" Her tears started to stream once more.

"Jamie, it's not like we're leaving home forever. It's just for one more week." Landon kneeled between her legs and held her face in his hands. "Would you rather spend the last week of your pregnancy in the hospital?"

Jamie shook her head 'no' and blew her nose into a Kleenex that Landon had handed her.

"Well then, we have to stay at your dad's." Landon stood up and placed a light kiss against her forehead, then lifted her up into his arms. Her belly was so rounded that he had to bend over to hug her, but he was thrilled to do so. "Look," he said softly. "If your father was ill and he needed someone to take care of him, wouldn't you want him to stay here with us so we could watch over him?"

Jamie nodded her head as she said, "But I don't need someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, I know baby, but sometimes you need a little help, right?" Landon waited for Jamie's response, but got none. "I promise. I'm going to be there as much as I can. You know that, but when I'm not, your dad or my mom will be there, and if anything happens with this little one here," he placed his hand over her swollen belly, "we'll only be a few miles away from the hospital. Okay?" Landon ducked his head down to look into her face, waiting for her to agree as he said once again, "Okay?"

"Okay," the reluctance was apparent in her voice, but what choice did she have. Jamie's doctor had preferred for her to stay at the hospital. Thankfully Landon convinced her otherwise during her weekly visit.

Landon knew that Jamie hated hospitals and didn't want to stay in one unless she absolutely had to, so he convinced Dr. Basso that it would be in Jamie's best interest to stay at a location closer to the hospital then in their own house. "Dr. Basso," Landon pulled her quietly to the side as he spoke in a hushed tone, "Isn't it better if we don't put any undue stress on Jamie?"

The doctor looked at Landon with caution and asked, "What are you getting at Landon?"

"Well, I was thinking that we could just move closer to the hospital. Her father lives about two minutes away from here and if there are any problems…" he left the thought unfinished for the doctor to stew on for a moment.

Dr. Basso hemmed and hawed over it for a minute before walking over to Jamie's examining table and saying, "Okay here's the deal. I'll let you stay out of the hospital until we deliver the baby next week, but you'll have to stay somewhere close and there's got to be someone with you at all times. Understand?"

That was earlier in the day and now it was time to leave for the house she used to call home. "Landon, I appreciate you arranging this with the doctor. I really do, but… but…" she began to sniffle as she continued. "The last time I left this house to go to the hospital neither one of us was sure if I'd ever see it again and I can't help but be a little afraid."

"Oh baby. Baby. It's okay." Landon took his wife in his arms once again and kissed her forehead. "Are you kidding?" he pulled back to look into her face. "Not only will you be coming back to our home, but you'll be coming back with our baby." He smiled at her and ran his hand down the back of her hair and let it rest on what was left of her waist. "We're going to leave here as a husband and wife and come back as a family. Personally… I can't wait to leave because the quicker we get out of here the quicker we can come back carrying this one here," he touched her stomach, "In our arms instead of in your stomach." He gave her a genuine smile and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.

Jamie lifted her face and wiped the tears from her eyes before placing a kiss on Landon's cheek. "I guess I never thought of it that way. Thank you Landon." Her smile was genuine as she said, "So what are you waiting for? Get my luggage and let's get out of here already."

Her father's home was a familiar sight to her. The photographs of herself as a child, pictures of her and her father together during holidays, of her mother and father together on their wedding day and several others, but Jamie had always felt like something was missing in those pictures. She always wished that there was a family photo of the three of them together sitting on the mantle along with all of the others, but that had never happened. She silently vowed that the first thing her and Landon would do when the baby was born was to take a picture of the three of them together.

"Jamie?"

She turned and said, "Yes daddy."

"Are ya hungry? I've got some homemade peach cobbler here that Mrs. Washington brought over this afternoon and some ice cream in the freezer."

"I don't know about Jamie, but I'd love some Reverend," Landon said with a wink.

They sat in the living room eating their desserts and catching up on the local gossip. Jamie was curious about the church as well as the parishioners as she hadn't been able to attend a church service for months.

She hadn't slept for forty eight hours and it was taking its toll on her. It's not that she didn't want to sleep, she did, it was simply that she couldn't. Every time she lied down, the baby would do summersaults inside of her belly. She had to pee every ten minutes and it took her at least twenty to stand up and make her way to the bathroom. When she would doze off the nightmares would start. Those were the worst. She could live with the discomforts of pregnancy, but the emotional turmoil she was going through…that was close to impossible to handle.

"Hey baby. Did you get any sleep last night?" Landon walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk.

Jamie's head snapped around and she said in a terse tone, "DO I LOOK RESTED?"

Landon tried to hold the smile back. He knew that if he looked amused by Jamie's temper she would get really upset. "I'll take that as a no." he turned to face the cupboard so he could smile as he listened to her grumble under her breath.

"Landon, do I look like an idiot to you?" Jamie asked in a clipped tone.

This took Landon by surprise and he turned to answer her. "Of course not."

"Then why are you finding my discomfort amusing? Do you think I can't tell that you're trying to hide that cocky grin of yours?"

"I don't find amusement in your discomfort Jamie. It's just that…"

"WHAT?" She quickly snapped at him.

"Listening to you get angry is kind of cute."

"Cute? OH you sooooooooooo didn't say that I'm CUTE!" She made an attempt to stand up and walk out of the kitchen but she just couldn't balance herself. It was easier to give up and stare at the enemy, at the man who did this to her. Landon.

"The only reason I think you look adorable is because it reminds me of the first time you got mad at me and closed the door on my face. Remember?"

Jamie's mind did a flashback and her anger quickly turned to tears. "Oh Landon I'm so sorry," she cried. "I'm just so tired and I don't know what to do," she sniffled.

"Baby, baby don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry." He quickly rushed to her side and began to comfort her. "Shhhhhhhhhh," he kissed her hair. "It's okay."

"No it's not Landon. It's not." She ran her hand under her nose and made another lame attempt at standing.

"Here," Landon grabbed her upper arms to give her some support. "Let me give you a hand with that."

"Thank you," she smiled softly.

"There ya go," Landon bent over her protruding stomach and kissed her gently on the lips. "That's what I like to see, a smile." He started to kiss her again when she pulled away.

"I'm sorry Landon," she began to waddle down the hallway and called back to him, "I really have to go to the bathroom."

Reverend Sullivan's head peeked through the swinging door that led to the pantry. "Is it safe?" He asked innocently.

Landon's laughter bubbled up from deep within and said, "Yeah, she's in the bathroom."

"I remember when her mother was in the final stages of pregnancy. Whoooooooooooeeey, you want to talk about a temperamental wife."

"Hey," Landon turned to him and asked, "Did she have a hard time sleeping too?"

"Oh sure," revered Sullivan picked up a banana and his box of cheerios. "Lots of women can't sleep at the end. From what I understand, they can't seem to find a comfortable position."

"Yeah. I guess." Landon grabbed two bowls and spoons. "Truthfully I think it's more than that."

"Think she's still having some trouble with the nightmares?"

"I don't know," Landon shrugged. "She never sleeps anymore."

"Want me to talk to her?"

Landon thought about it for a minute then said, "Yeah, I think you should. I've tried, but… I don't know. It's like she needs to be assured that the same thing that happened to her mother won't happen to her and as many times as I tell her everything will be okay… it just doesn't seem to make it any better."

"Perhaps she should hear it from someone that was there with her mother?" the reverend began to slice his fruit into his bowl and said, "I'll talk with her later on."

"Thank you sir. I really appreciate it."

"She's my daughter Landon. I'd do anything for her."

"Do anything for who?" Jamie asked as she waddled back into the kitchen.

"For you," Jamie's father said. "I'd do anything for my little girl," he smiled as he poured milk over his cereal.

"Does that include giving me your breakfast because that looks really good?"

"Sure thing," he slid the bowl and spoon over to her.

"Thanks Daddy. I'm starving."

Reverend Sullivan smiled as he stood up and got himself another bowl of cereal. While slicing the bananas into the bowl he said, "Jamie, what do you say we have a little picnic out back this afternoon? Just you and me?"

"What about Landon?"

"Oh, I'm going to my mom's later on baby so this is perfect." Landon gave a knowing look towards his father in law and took another bite of his breakfast.

"Wow it's beautiful out here Daddy. I wish I could come out back more often," Jamie said.

"Soon enough you'll up and about so often that you'll think back to this time and wish that you could be confined to bed rest again."

"You really think so?" Jamie asked with a crinkled nose.

"I know so," her father said with a smile as bright as the day. "You'll be up at all hours of the night with that little darlin' there," he pointed at her belly with a fork. "Once that starts, you'll be begging Landon to take over so you can get some sleep." As he took some items off of a tray for lunch he said a silent prayer. 'Lord please help me to find a way to ease my daughter's anguish. Help her to feel at ease with me so that she may confide in me and share with me the nightmares that keep her from a peaceful night's sleep.'

"It doesn't feel that way now," Jamie pouted as she tried to lift her feet onto a nearby chair.

Noticing that his daughter was having a hard time he quickly went to her aid. "Here, let me."

"Don't bother Daddy. The chair's too high off the ground for me."

"Well then let me get the footstool. I'll be right back." He returned swiftly with a low, quilted foot stool.

Jamie tried once more to lift her feet onto the stool, but her stomach got in her way and she finally gave up.

Reverend Sullivan looked at his frustrated daughter and gave her a slight grin. "May I?" He asked. Without waiting for her to answer he bent down and lifted one foot onto the padded stool, then the other. "Would you like me to take your shoes off for you?"

"That would be great, but you may have to help me get them back on when we're done with lunch."

"That's not a problem." He slipped one shoe off then the other and stared at her feet with a huge smile, thinking, God most certainly works in mysterious ways.

"Are my feet funny looking Daddy?"

"What?" He looked up at her.

"You're staring at my feet like I've got an extra toe or something."

"No. It's nothing like that. It's just that…You have your mother's feet."

"I do," she smiled softly and her eyes began to tear immediately at the thought of her mother.

"Yes, you do. And they're beautiful feet may I add."

"Thanks," she turned her head and wiped away the tears in her eyes with the palm of her hand.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

"Nothing. It's just…" she sighed and for a moment she thought that maybe she'd tell him. Instead she blamed it on being pregnant. "These hormones make me cry over the silliest things."

"Yes, your mom was a lot like that too. In fact she had more mood swings then the ocean has tides." He laughed at the memories of his wife that flooded his mind. "Your mother was so beautiful when she was pregnant with you." He turned to the tray full of food and began making plates for himself and his daughter. "Fried chicken?" He offered.

Jamie nodded as he continued reminiscing about her mother.

"She would be laughing and smiling one minute and the next she'd be in hysterics. In fact there was this one time…" He laughed and shook his head as he thought back to that moment. "We were in the Piggly Wiggly doing our weekly shopping when your mom came upon this big display of Oreo cookies. She picked up a package and as she was putting them in the grocery cart I made the mistake of saying, 'do you really think you should be eating those?' Whooooooooooey," he ran his hand through his hair and guffawed. "That woman went from sweet as pie to tears in a split second."

"Really? Over cookies?" Jamie asked in amusement.

"Yup. Over cookies. Her bottom lip started to quiver and the tears just started streaming down her cheeks. I'll never forget how the women in the aisle next to us stared at me. They looked at me like I had just beaten her silly."

"Oh no." Jamie was completely enthralled with the trip down memory lane she was taking with her father.

"Oh yes. In fact one woman walked up to your mother and asked her what was wrong and she said," he shook his head as he remembered his late wife's words. "She said, 'my husband thinks I'm too fat to eat cookies.' I kept apologizing to her. Told her over and over again, that I had only asked her, because she had been complaining about outgrowing her new maternity clothes. Boy oh boy, you wanna talk about a moody woman. Your mother was the epitome of a hormonal pregnant woman."

"So what happened?"

"I bought her some Oreo cookies. In fact, I brought her home a package of cookies every week until you were born."

"Oh daddy you didn't?"

"I most certainly did. In fact I even brought a package to the hospital with us when she went into labor with you."

The smile on Jamie's face quickly disappeared.

"Jamie what's wrong?"

"She never got to eat them did she daddy?" The tears that were collecting in her eyes quickly poured down her cheeks.

"No Jamie, she didn't. But that's not your fault sweetheart."

"I know. I know." Jamie was practically blubbering. "Oh daddy."

"What is it Jamie? What's going on sweetheart?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." She lied to save her father from heartache.

"It is not nothing Jamie so quit saying that. There's been something bothering you for quite some time now and you won't talk to Landon about it so why not talk to me? I'm a very good listener you know." He tried to lighten the mood, but nothing seemed to appease her. "Jamie. Jamie." He tried once more to get her to open up. "Your mother died because of an aneurysm not because of childbirth."

"How do you know that daddy? How do you know that the pressure of labor didn't cause her blood vessel to burst? How do you know that daddy? How do you know when she pushed it didn't cause it?"

"Because the doctors told me one had nothing to do with the other. Jamie, she was my wife. Don't you think I'd ask? Your mother would've died whether or not she was pregnant with you Jamie. It was going to happen and there was nothing we could do about it. It was God's will Jamie. It was God's will that your mother lived long enough to see your face and know that you were alive and well. Now I can't promise you that nothing will go wrong with your baby Jamie. I just can't do that. No one can. No doctors, no specialists. No one. Just like no one could've predicted your mother's passing. It's just something that happened."

"I know that. In my head I know that and I keep telling myself that same thing. I keep telling myself that I'm being silly. The nightmares don't mean a thing. It's just my overactive imagination, but daddy," she reached for his hand and grasped it tightly. "I swear daddy, they seem so real. They take my breath away."

He turned his hand over and clutched her hand in both of his. "Tell me about them Jamie. Talk to me."

Without thinking she just started confiding in him. "It always starts out beautifully. Me and Landon excited about the birth of the baby. Lying in bed with his arms around me or lounging in the hammock out back and in an instant everything gets still. I can't move a muscle. I can barely breathe. I try calling out but no one hears me. Everything is going on around me. People are preparing for the baby and I just keep slipping away. One minute I'm lying in silence and the next I'm in the midst of childbirth. Landon keeps telling me to push and then I can hear it daddy. I can hear the baby cry, but…but…" Her breath began to labor and the tears started to come down in buckets. "I never see the baby. Never. I try, but…buhh…."

Reverend Sullivan jumped off of his chair and grabbed her in a tight embrace.

"Landon keeps saying how beautiful the baby is but no one notices that I can't see it. Then I just close my eyes and that's the end." Jamie pulled back and looked at her father. "Did she really see me daddy? Did she really know who I was?"

"Yes sweetheart. She saw you. She saw you Jamie. She saw you." He repeated it like a mantra. "She held you in her arms and kissed your head. She smelled your sweet scent and felt your soft skin. She died holding onto you and telling you that she loved you."

"Oh daddy," Jamie cried silently on her father's shoulder, washing away the months of pain and worries.

"Did you pack a change of clothes for yourself?" Jamie asked Landon.

"No. Why? Do you think I'll need one?" Landon was rushing around the house in a frantic state.

"You may."

"Okay. Okay…" He raced from one end of the room to the other. "What should I bring?"

"Why not just take an extra change of underclothes and a t-shirt?"

"Yeah. Good idea. Okay. T-shirt. T-shirt." Landon started throwing his clothes from the drawers onto the floor. "Where the hell is my t-shirts?" He screamed in frustration as he threw one on the floor behind him.

"Right there Landon," Jamie said with a sense of serenity in her voice.

"Where?" He looked behind him, over his shoulder, then the other before seeing it lying at his feet. "Oh. Okay." He grabbed his stuff and threw it in Jamie's bag then walked briskly to the bedroom door.

"Landon! The car's all gassed up and ready to go," Reverend Sullivan called out as he ran through the front door. "Is she ready?" He stopped short as he looked into the bedroom where Jamie was sitting. There were clothes strewn about the bedroom floor. A glass of milk was spilt across the nightstand. The television was making a static noise and in the midst of this Jamie sat perched atop the bed with a glowing smile.

"Hi daddy. Are you ready to go?" She said as she stood up and walked toward the bedroom door.

"Yes. Are you?"

"I think so," Landon answered. "I think we've got everything we need."

"Well let's go," Reverend Sullivan suggested.

They drove to the hospital in record time with Jamie holding on for dear life. When they got there Landon raced inside for a wheelchair while Reverend Sullivan helped Jamie out of the car.

Jamie put one foot out the door when the contraction hit her. It started in her lower back and gradually spread to the front of her stomach. The pain was so intense she screamed and placed a white knuckled grip on her father's hand.

"Jamie are you okay?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Noooooooooo," she moaned as the waves of pain coursed through her.

"Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe," he chanted as though that would cure her of the pain.

"You breathe!" She yelled in frustration.

Landon ran out of the hospital with wheelchair in tow and noticed Jamie doubled over in pain. "Baby? Oh my God are you okay?"

Jamie turned and glared at him wishing people would stop asking her that.

Once the contraction stopped Jamie quickly turned to her father and apologized for being abrupt. "I didn't mean it daddy. I'm really sorry about yelling at you."

"Jamie don't you worry your pretty head over that."

"I think I should just apologize now for whatever I may say tonight to both of you." She looked between Landon and her father. "Just remember that it's not me talking, it's the labor pains."

The nurse checked them in and brought them to her birthing room informing her that Dr. Basso would be paged immediately.

Landon's parents arrived within the hour as well as Jamie's doctor.

After monitoring Jamie's progression for a few hours Dr. Basso decided to help Jamie along. She was concerned with Jamie's blood pressure and the baby's heart rate. "Jamie. Landon. I think the best thing to do at this point is go ahead with a cesarean section."

"Is everything okay?" Jamie asked with a worried tone in her voice.

"Just some complications from the toxemia Jamie, but we'll get you into the operating room within the next thirty minutes or so and have ourselves a baby. I think it's time you both got a little rest so I'm going to send the nurse in with a little Demerol. It'll help to relax you between contractions. Once the anesthesiologist arrives he'll give you an epidural which will numb you from the waist down…" the doctor started to explain the procedures for the surgery and reassured both Jamie and Landon that this was the best course of action. She looked to Landon's father for support, which she quickly found.

"Okay then. Let's get started," Landon said with a nod.

The doctor sat her on the edge of the hospital bed and told her to relax as he pushed the needle into her spine. It was supposed to numb her but just as he placed the needle into her skin a contraction hit her and took the breath right out of her. The only thing that kept her going was the thought that this should be the last one. The medicine should kick in and this should be the last contraction she feels. She prayed what she was telling herself was the truth.

Landon held onto her hand and whispered in her ear, "In through your nose. Out through your mouth. Good. Good."

She tried her best to follow his directions but it was difficult. She didn't know what was worse, the labor pains or the pain of the long needle going into her spine. Jamie was pretty sure that one was equally as bad as the other. A few minutes later the pain seemed to melt away. She couldn't feel a thing. Her legs went completely numb and the contractions were gone. She laid her head back against a pillow and took a deep breath. The nurse was getting Landon dressed in some scrubs so he could be sterile in the operating room. Jamie and Landon had decided that they would be the only ones in the room. Their parents and friends would have to wait in the waiting room for the big news.

Tracey and Dean sat in the waiting room along with Jamie's father and Landon's parents. It was the last place Tracey had ever expected to be. She never thought she would be awaiting the new arrival of their baby, yet alone be excited about it, but she was. A few months ago, when she went through her own battle with ovarian cancer, the last person she wanted to see was Jamie, but Jamie kept calling her. Helping her. Befriending her when she least expected it. She certainly hadn't invited Jamie's friendship in, but Jamie Sullivan-Carter was a strong willed woman. At first it was a phone call wishing her well and letting her know that she was praying for her. Then it was a gift basket with teas and specialty crackers. Nothing exotic, but very soothing for someone going through cancer treatment. There were days in which the only thing Tracey could keep down was a cup of tea and some crackers. After a few weeks of phone calls Landon brought her by the hospital during one of her treatments. Tracey was trapped, it wasn't as if she could rip the IV out of her arm to avoid Jamie so she just sat there and let Jamie do the talking. After that first visit, Jamie made it a point to have Landon bring her to the hospital on the same day for her checkups. One day Jamie was telling Tracey a silly story about Landon and a mud puddle when Tracey turned to her and asked her why she was wasting her time trying to become friends with her. "It was simple," Jamie said. "You gave me back my life. You saved my husband from pain and heartache and you gave me the life that I now carry inside of me. Sitting with you is the least I can do. I know you don't want me here, but there's no where in the world I'd rather be than with you. You may never be my friend Tracey, but I will always be yours. And to be honest with you, I'm the perfect friend for you. I know what it is you're going through. I can tell you how to prevent hair loss from chemo and I've got the best recipe for chocolate chip cookies in the world. What more could you want in a friend? I come bearing chocolate?" It was in that moment that Tracey knew she and Jamie were destined to be life long friends. Tracey couldn't help but laugh at Jamie's comments. Not because they were exceptionally funny, but because they were true. What girl could turn down chocolate? Tracey sat in the waiting room with everyone else, but for some reason she felt as though Jamie needed her. She stood up and walked towards the nurse's station, "Excuse me. Is there anyway that I could see Mrs. Carter before she goes into the delivery room?" Tracey hoped that they'd say yes.

"I'll ask the Carters." The nurse stood up and started walking down the hall, "What's your name dear?"

"Tracey."

A few minutes later the nurse returned and said, "Mrs. Carter said to show you in."

As Tracey walked into Jamie's room her heart started pounding in her chest. She hated hospitals, hated the smells that permeated from them, hated the sound of the nurses shoes on the floors, hated everything that had to do with them, but for some reason she didn't mind being in this portion of the hospital. "Hey," Tracey smiled as she saw Jamie lying on the bed.

"Hi," Jamie smiled back and held her hands out to her. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too, but I do feel a bit guilty."

"What on earth for?"

"Everyone else just stared at me when I walked back here. Why did you want to see me and not them?"

"Because, I needed you right now. I needed my friend." It was at that moment that a contraction hit. Jamie's medications prevented her from feeling the vast majority of the pain, but she knew something was wrong. She turned her head towards the fetal monitor and noticed that the baby's heart rate had dropped. The alarm started to sound and three nurses instantly appeared.

"I'm sorry ma'am you're going to have to go," one of them said to Tracey.

"NO!" Tracey stood her ground. "I'm not leaving her!"

Jamie gripped Tracey's hand in her own and said, "Don't go. I want you to be there for the birth, okay?"

"Okay," Tracey brushed a hand over Jamie's and said, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Jamie's doctor entered the room and immediately went to the readout on the fetal monitor. After looking at it for a moment she said, "Okay Jamie. The baby's heartbeat is getting dangerously low so we're going to have to do a c-section."

"Is everything alright?" Jamie asked.

"It will be. We just need to get you in the delivery room right away."

The nurses began to get everything prepared. Another hospital bed was brought in and Jamie was transferred from one to the other. Tracey was whisked away and told to put on some scrubs and a cap. Shortly after she was led to a room where Landon waited patiently.

"Hey!" He was surprised to see Tracey standing there. "What's up? What're you doing here?"

"Jamie asked me to stay for the delivery. I hope that's okay?" She asked sheepishly.

"It's totally cool." Landon smiled and said, "I'd hug you but then we'd have to go wash ourselves again. I got in trouble when I tucked my hair into this cap so I can't imagine what they'd do to me if I touched you." They both giggled nervously. "Gosh, what's taking them so long?" Landon's impatience was starting to surface.

"I don't know. The doctor came in and said they were going to do a c-section and then…"

"What?" Landon's jaw dropped. "What do you mean a c-section?"

"There was something wrong with the baby's heartbeat so they were doing a c-section. I'm sorry Landon, I thought you knew."

"No. I didn't." He started to pace. "Maybe I should go out there and…"

"Mr. Carter are you ready?" A nurse held a door open and asked them to follow her. "Your wife is already prepped but it seems that the baby is insisting on a natural delivery and not a cesarean."

"Huh?" Landon looked confused. He saw Jamie lying on a hospital bed with her legs bent. She was panting and seemed to be in a lot of pain. "What's going on here? Dr. Basso?"

"Landon," The doctor stood up and walked towards Landon and Tracey. "I'm sorry; I didn't get your name."

"It's Tracey."

"Okay Tracey. I need you to get on that side and Landon you're going to be on this side. I want you both to hold onto one of Jamie's legs and pull backwards. This baby is coming and we need to get it out."

Jamie started screaming in pain. The medication that was dripping into her IV was stopped for the delivery so she would know when to push and when the contractions were coming.

Landon stood on one side of her and whispered to her, "You're doing great baby. Great." His eyes were glued on what the doctor was doing. It was then that he remembered, "The camera."

"Do you have one Landon?" Dr. Basso asked?

"Yeah," he fished it out of his pocket. "It's a recorder, is that alright?"

"Yes. Julie?" The doctor called one of the nurses that were waiting for the baby's arrival. "Would you mind? Landon's going to be a bit busy for the next few minutes."

"Sure," The nurse took hold of the digital recorder and began capturing the birth of a Carter.

"Jamie, just try to relax until the doctor tells you to push," one of the nurses said.

Jamie screamed out, "Here it comes. I need to push!"

"Go ahead Jamie," Dr. Basso said as she guided the baby's head out. "Landon, Tracey, pull Jamie's legs back. Push Jamie, Push!"

Jamie's cries echoed through the room as the baby's head finally made its way out.

"Okay, relax Jamie." The doctor told her.

Landon just stared at what the doctor was doing. She held a bulb syringe in her hand and suctioned out the baby's mouth, then there was a loud cry. He and Jamie's baby. "Oh my God," he whispered as his eyes filled with tears. "Holy cow." He looked up at Tracey who was staring in awe, then looked back down.

"Okay Jamie, One more push. You ready?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah," she panted. "Oh God! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" With one scream and one push their child slipped into Dr. Basso's hands.

"It's a girl!" Dr. Basso said out loud. "You've got a beautiful baby girl."

The tears were streaming down Landon's face as he took a good look at his daughter.

"Oh my gosh Jamie, she's beautiful." Tracey cried as the doctor cleaned up the infant.

"Landon? Would you like to cut the cord?" Dr. Basso handed Landon an instrument and he cut the line that kept his child alive for the past nine months. "Wow," he took a deep breath and said, "That's incredible."

Jamie closed her eyes and felt a sharp stabbing pain. "Oh my……." The tears started pouring down her face. "There's something wrooooooong," she groaned as she felt the pain intensify.

Dr. Basso massaged Jamie's stomach and said, "Its okay Jamie. We're going to deliver the placenta now and then you should be fine." She looked down and noticed the blood that began to saturate the bedding. "Landon, Tracey? Why don't you go stay with the baby? Jamie we're going to put you to sleep for a little while. Don't be alarmed." The doctor looked at the anesthesiologist then at the nurses. "Call Dr. Lewis, she's hemorrhaging."

Landon heard the word hemorrhage and turned quickly around. "What's going on? Is she okay? Jamie? Jamie?" He called out to her but she didn't answer.

"She's under," the anesthesiologist replied.

"Landon you're going to have to leave. Julie!"

The nurse knew that it was time to remove Landon and Tracey from the operating room. "They're going to have to operate on your wife Mr. Carter. Why don't you come with me and…what's the baby's name?"

"I don't know yet. We haven't decided." He turned to look at Jamie's lifeless body on the operating table. "She's so pale."

"Come on Landon," Tracey guided her friend out of the room. "Let's go with the nurse."

Landon could hear the noises coming out of the operating room as the doors closed behind him. The doctor was screaming for some clamps and more blood just as another physician ran into the room.

"I can't leave her." He mumbled to himself. "I can't," he said it just a little louder. "Julie is it? I need to stay with my wife. Tracey'll stay with our daughter." Landon quickly turned around, but Tracey stopped him.

"You'll just be in the way Landon. Let them do what they need to. She'll be fine." Tracey stared into Landon's eyes and said, "Just have faith."

Landon sat in the hospital room for two hours just waiting to hear whether or not his wife was alive. His parents and Jamie's father were with him, but he had never felt so alone in his life. "Please God, don't take her from us."

"Landon," Dr. Basso and Dr. Lewis walked into the room together. "This is Dr. Lewis. She helped in the operating room."

"Jamie? Where is she? Is she alright?"

"She's fine. She's in recovery. It was a little touch and go there for a minute, she lost a lot of blood, but she's doing great."

The group erupted into quiet cheers. "Thank you God. Thank Goodness and Praise Jesus," was spoken more than once among the group.

Landon was led into recovery where Jamie laid waiting. She had yet to see her daughter.

She looked at him walking towards her and said, "You."

"Me," he replied. "And she," he looked down at the sleeping infant in his arms and handed her to Jamie.

"Oh Landon, she's so pretty."

"She looks like her mother."

"I can't believe she's here. She's finally here." Jamie kissed her baby's forehead and whispered to her, "I love you."

Landon looked at his beautiful family and said, "We need to name her."

"Yes we do. Any suggestions?" Jamie asked.

"Well I've got an idea…."

The sun was shining brightly as the people arrived at the church. It was a beautiful day for a baptism.

Reverend Sullivan stood at the front of the church and smiled as he continued with this Sunday's special church service. "Let us affirm our common faith in Jesus Christ." He turned to Landon's father and smiled then to face his granddaughter's Godmother, Tracey. "Do you believe and trust in God the Father, source of all being and life, the One for whom we exist?"

They replied, "I believe and Trust in Him."

"This is the faith of the church."

"This is our faith." They replied in unison, "We believe and trust in One God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

Reverend Sullivan then dipped his fingers in the holy water that stood before him and placed the sign of the cross on his granddaughter's forehead. "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

The congregation responded, "Amen."

Reverend Sullivan continued on with the baptism ceremony, bringing tears of joy to the eyes of every parishioner. "May God who has received you by baptism into His church, pour upon you the riches of His grace, that within the company of Christ's pilgrim people you may daily be renewed by His anointing Spirit, and come to the inheritance of the saints of glory."

Everyone joined in with a final "Amen."

Reverend Sullivan then took the child from her Godmother's arms and turned her towards the congregation. "It is my pleasure to present to you, Elizabeth Alicia Carter."

The End


End file.
